


Howl

by LtTanyaBoone



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Blood and Gore, F/F, depictions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-25 02:41:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3793645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtTanyaBoone/pseuds/LtTanyaBoone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>expanding the AU from the werewolf-chapter of "Every Me and Every You"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My image of werewolves in this story is heavily inspired by Kelley Amstrong's "Women of the Otherworld" series, it might be that you recognize some things from there. I also took the liberty to copy passages from the "Every Me and Every You" chapter.  
> You can find a playlist for this fic [here](http://8tracks.com/trailofdebris/howl).

Sarah pauses in her steps, nostrils flaring. Cosima’s brows furrow as she follows the other woman’s example, inhaling deeply as her eyes flutter shut, drawing a map of scents over what she knows her surroundings to look like.

She doesn’t like the urban smells. Neither does Sarah. They’ve been tense and silent with each other since arriving here. When Sarah spoke to the hotel manager earlier, there was a barely audible growl in her voice, one that made Cosima vow to keep a close eye on her sister.

Though they’re not actually related. Not by nurture, anyway. Didn’t grow up together, though now they have the same family. Not by nature, either, at least not human genetics. Even though they’re both kinda short, both have brown eyes and brown hair. Cosima’s used to be in dreads, but she gave that up years ago. Shortly after she first encountered Sarah. Though it wasn’t the other woman who made her change her mind about her hairstyle, but drastic changes in her life. Cosima doesn’t like to dwell on the past.

Sarah nudging her foot with hers makes Cosima startle. She opens her eyes and gives a curt nod. She smelled it, too. A faint whiff of someone familiar, someone who’s been eluding them for a while now.

Sarah turns on her heel and heads down the alley, Cosima trailing behind. She’s more of a vision kind of gal in these moments, doesn’t allow herself to be led by her nose alone. Sarah plunges on and Cosima has to hurry after her, has to quicken her pace to keep up. They’re downwind from the source of the smell. That they’re still in an alley makes Cosima think they’ll probably just find a blanket or a jacket or something Helena used. The smell is too faint for it to be their prodigal sister. She wants to sigh and tell Sarah to stop, but her sister does on her own. When she turns to look down at the ground, a dumpster blocks Cosima’s view briefly and she cannot immediately see the source for the anger and disgust on Sarah’s face. And then the smell hits her full force and Cosima runs the last few steps, the scent of blood making her stomach coil as she expects to find their sister lying there, dead, the past two weeks for naught.

The woman on the concrete ground is blonde, hair matted with dirt and dried blood. Her shirt is soaked, dark reddish brown starting to dry. Cosima’s eyes search for the wound and she takes a sharp breath when she sees the bite.

Sarah reaches out to touch her hand to the skin, and in that moment, the woman lets out a soft moan that makes the other woman jump back. Cosima’s heart is hammering in her chest, surprise and shock and _how is this possible_?

The woman should be dead.

As it is, she’s alive, barely, eyelids fluttering but she doesn’t manage to pry her eyes open, a painful groan escaping her.

“Helena, what have you _done_?” Sarah breathes, hands raking through her curls as she tugs at them in frustration.

“We need to get her back,” Cosima murmurs, crouching down in front of the woman and feeling for a pulse. Her heartbeat is little more than a soft pitter-patter against the tips of Cosima’s finger. She can’t tell how long the woman may have been lying here, her lips are dry, but that might be the fever that’s started burning up her body.

“She bit her,” Sarah mutters, hand rubbing over her face.

“I can see that,” Cosima snaps as she stands, taking a gulp of air and clenching her eyes shut. The skin on the back of her neck is prickling, the tingling sensation starting to spread across her shoulders and travel down her back. She needs to calm down, now. Sarah takes a step towards them, fingers curling briefly before she reaches out. It takes Cosima’s brain a second to register what she’s going to do as Sarah’s left hand settles on the back of the woman’s head, the other gripping her jaw.

“ _Bloody hell, Cos!_ ”

Sarah’s turning her head and spitting blood into the ground before she slowly pulls herself up, shaking off the pain from Cosima’s kick. She didn’t intend to really hurt Sarah, truly not, but in her panic, it was the only thing she could do in the little time she had left before Sarah would’ve broken the stranger’s neck.

“You’re not touching her,” she informs her, the quiver in her voice betraying her. She’s not used to giving orders, absolutely not, and Sarah isn’t used to taking them, either at least not from Cosima. And if Sarah chose to fight, Cosima knows she’d be the one losing. She’s the brains of the operation, Sarah brings the muscle.

“I’m not dragging her back home!” Sarah snarls. There’s a trickle of blood running down from her split lip. It makes Cosima wince, the sight of red, the scent of her sister’s blood mingling with that of the stranger-

“That’s exactly what we’re going to do,” Cosima says, drawing herself up to her full height. She’s Sarah’s height, but Sarah always slouches. Cosima with squared shoulders and a straight back kind of looks half an inch taller. At best. _Crap_.

Sarah lets out a hollow laugh and Cosima knows she’s not gonna win this. Not unless she plays her trump card.

“Mrs S said you had to listen to me.”

In an instant, Sarah’s jaw clamps shut and she gives Cosima a deadly glare, low growl vibrating through her chest.

“I decide our course of action, and I say you go back to the hotel, get the car and come here. We need to get her back home, as fast as possible.”

“You’re bloody insane,” Sarah snaps, hands curling into fists at her sides. Cosima just gives her a wordless stare. In the end, it makes her sister stomp her foot and then stalk off in the direction they came from, leaving Cosima to lean against the wall of the building as she feels her knees buckle. Bloody hell.

“Oh Helena,” she murmurs, eyes settling on the woman, her chest barely moving as she draws ragged breaths. “What have you done?”


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The consequences of Helena's actions start to become clear.

“She’s pissed, I get it,” Cosima shrugs when Mrs S places a bottle of beer next to her on the banister of the porch. They’re back at the Pack house, the stranger up in a spare bedroom. Cosima’s tired, the drive was long and draining, between Sarah giving her the silent treatment and the woman moaning in pain from the backseat.

“I don’t think either one of you particularly gets the other right now,” the older woman observes, eyes flickering to the woods, the direction Sarah stalked off in earlier, Alison in tow.

Cosima lets out a snort and grabs the cool bottle, taking a swig of the beer. Her entire body aches. She wants a shower, but more than that, she wants to shed her clothes and Change and run for the rest of the night and then fall asleep in the woods. Maybe when she wakes up tomorrow, all of this will have been some weird dream…

She knows it’s not gonna happen. Helena disappearing is the reality, as is the bloody trail she’s been leaving behind. The reason why Sarah and her were tasked in finding their Pack sister. There is no chance in hell that they can let her continue to hurt and murder innocent people. Not that the Pack particularly cares about humans all that much, but you cannot allow for these things to happen when you’re living close enough that it’s gonna cause repercussions for you. And before last night, Cosima was sure that, if they found Helena, they would be able to bring her back and that Mrs S would have taken her back into the Pack.

The woman currently writhing in one of the spare bedrooms, mind clouded by fevered hallucinations, made that impossible.

Cosima knows that killing her may have been the more merciful of the two choices they had. But when she saw the other woman, she couldn’t help but see herself, and Cosima would never be able to kill anyone being dealt the same shitty hand as she’d drawn.

During the drive back here, with Sarah sullenly staring out the window, Cosima came up with another reason as to why the other woman would’ve wanted to kill Blondie, why she would have wanted to get rid of the evidence of what their Pack sister had done: Helena turning another human is grounds for banishment from the Pack. Killing them would’ve been bad enough, but Mrs S has always been understanding, has shown mercy and tried to lead by example instead of giving them the boot when any one of them fucked up and lost control. Killing someone could be chalked up to Helena having lost her head, but turning them, biting without the intent to kill? No, the look on Siobhan’s face when she’d seen the stranger had been unmistakable. Helena is no longer a member of their Pack, and if Sarah’s twin knows what’s best for her, she’ll stay well out of their reach from now on.

Maybe Mrs S is right, though. Cosima barely has an idea what Sarah is feeling. She understands the sense of loyalty that comes with wanting to protect the Pack and its members; she understands that Helena is their sister. But Cosima has only known her for seven years; Sarah’s known her twin her entire life, even before they’d been born. They’ve been through the same shitty orphanages and foster homes before Mrs S crossed their paths, had smelled the wolf on them and taken the children in. Had raised them as her own daughters, had taught them what they were and prepared them for their lives as werewolves.

Sarah, her twin Helena, their foster brother Felix and their Pack sister Alison as well as Mrs S, they are all born werewolves. The gene passed down from mother to daughter, from father to son. They’d grown up knowing what they were, had known what would happen to them once they hit puberty. They’d had an experienced werewolf to guide them along that path of growing into their powers. Cosima’s never had that luxury. She’d been attacked during a spring break vacation, the guy she’d turned down at the bar hadn’t been a fan of no, and being a werewolf, he’d definitely not wanted to pay a human’s wishes any mind. She’d barely survived the bite, what she remembers from her first month as a werewolf is hot-white, blinding pain and agony and a fury that threatened to consume her.

The virus had reprogrammed her DNA, had gifted her with supernatural strength and hearing, but Cosima hadn’t been prepared for it. Given the choice, given the truth about what she’d have to go through, she’d have chosen to stay a human. Or maybe even to die, instead of having to go through those first six months.

Cosima gives a resolute shake of her head. She’s survived, thanks to Felix, who had been partying with them and followed the werewolf when he’d taken off with Cosima. He’d called his foster mom when he’d found her, battered and bruised and a bite mark on her arm, blood trickling from the wound. He’d gotten her to the Pack home before the fever spiked and Mrs S had taken over from there. Cosima remembers countless times waking up to her Pack alpha sitting in a chair at the end of her bed, or later, outside the Cage. Remembers Mrs S trying to talk to her, to reason with her as Cosima was consumed with blind fury and lashed out at anything and anyone.

And now she is no longer the only non-hereditary werewolf of the Pack.

It’s a strange thought. There aren’t that many werewolves in the world. A lot of them are solitary creatures, roaming the world alone. Others live in Packs, with a similar structure actual wolf packs possess. But even though their Pack is close friends with a male one not too far away, Cosima has never met anyone like herself before. All the werewolves she knows are hereditary ones, none of them went through what she had to go through and managed to survive. It’s always made her feel a bit like an outsider, truth be told. That even among her own kind, she wasn’t completely understood, that there is no one who absolutely gets where she’s coming from in all this...

“She’s out,” Felix declares as he steps outside, grabbing the bottle from Cosima’s hand. She lets him take a swig before he hands it back, his butt resting against the banister, eyes watching their Alpha and avoiding Cosima.

“And who said you could leave her?” Mrs S asks him, tilting her head when he throws his head back with a groan.

“Come on! I have done this before, don’t I deserve a break?” he asks before his eyes flicker to Cosima, guilt washing over his face. “Sorry,” he mouths, but Cosima shakes her head.

“You’re right,” she tells him, pressing the bottle back into his hands. She doesn’t tell them where she’s going when she returns inside. Her feet feel like clumps of lead as she takes the stairs up and goes down the hallway to the previously unoccupied room. It takes her a good two minutes to muster up the courage to turn the knob and step inside.

The stranger is lying in bed, strained breaths coming from her. Her hair is wet, clinging to her skin. Cosima can see the pearls of sweat on her forehead. When she takes a step forward, the other woman lets out a pained groan. Cosima swallows, grabbing the bowl with water and the rag swimming in it.

Helena bit her, but Cosima refused to let Sarah kill her. She brought her back here, brought her to the Pack so the stranger may have a chance at survival. She’s the one responsible for her being in their Pack home. The least she can do is make herself useful, Cosima thinks as she places the cool cloth against the woman’s forehead, wipes away her sweat and swallows as she tries not to remember what it felt like back when it was Cosima lying in that bed, tries to shut out the memory of the white-hot pain that was burning through her body.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cosima finds herself attempting to form a bond with the newcomer.

The Changes start not even two days later. Cosima is sitting in a lecture hall, concentrating on the professor when her cell phone vibrates in her bag.

> _Come home. - SS_

Cosima closes her eyes and takes a slow breath, ignoring her first instinct to immediately call back and scramble from the room. Instead, she slowly begins gathering her belongings, eyes drifting to the clock over the podium. It’s still over half an hour to go. Less than twenty minutes and she would have stayed, would have waited out the end of the lecture sitting on hot coals. Mrs S didn’t tell her she has to come right away, but she knows her schedule. Knows Cosima is not due home for another five hours. Whatever it is, it cannot wait, apparently.

The other students give her dirty looks when she slowly moves through the row to beat an early exit. She ignores the professor pausing and the soft sigh she can hear all the way across the room. Catches the door on her way out so it won’t bang shut and disrupt the lecture further.

She half-expects the house to have burned down when she arrives. It’s a strange image, but one Cosima has never been able to shake. Whenever she gets summoned back by her Alpha, she always thinks the worst must have happened, someone must’ve died or something equally horrible must’ve happened for them to warrant summoning her. Sarah would laugh in her face at the assumption, and Alison would certainly giggle, but Cosima just can’t help it.

Mrs S is downstairs, sitting in front of the cage in the basement. It’s a sturdy thing. It has to be, to withstand the abuse a werewolf can dish out.

Inside the cage is a panting pale wolf.

“Oh,” Cosima breathes, dropping her bag to the floor. The wolf looks over, light fur bristling as it curves its back. Cosima waits, stands still, listens to the low growl emanating from the animal.

Mrs S watches her briefly before her eyes return to the wolf. She tilts her head and takes a deep breath.

“She is pretty,” she remarks, brows knitting before she sighs and stands. As she passes Cosima, her hand squeezes her shoulder gently. “Let’s hope she’s worth the trouble,” the older woman adds with a pat to Cosima’s shoulder before leaving her alone with the newcomer.

It takes her a while to make it to the chair, stopping whenever the wolf gets too agitated, when the growling gets louder. There’s a haunted expression in the wolf’s eyes, an intelligence that betrays her for what she is, but no one would be able to tell if they just saw her on the street. A 160 pound wolf would certainly cause people to be alarmed, but most humans are quick to explain it away by mistaking them for dogs. It’s logical, really, because they have no clue what world is hidden away from them, but sometimes, it infuriates Cosima. She’s not a giant lap dog, even if Alison would probably prefer that. Maybe.

She watches as the wolf stalks around the Cage, snarling, throws herself against the bars and metal wires. Cosima remembers being in that cage herself, remembers the sensations of the cool metal against her heated skin, remembers wanting to rip Siobhan’s throat out-

A quick shake of her head to make her forget those thoughts. She would never lay a hand on her Alpha now, wouldn’t dream of it or even disobeying an order from her. But there was a time, a time where Cosima didn’t know the hierarchical structure of the Pack and when she didn’t care about it, either. She wanted them to take it back, wanted to go back to being a human, didn’t want anything to do with them. They were monsters, and what was worse, they’d turned her into one, too.

She blinks slowly, finding the wolf has laid down, eyes drooping with exhaustion. She keeps still, tries not to move in order not to startle it any more. Before long, the breathing of the beast evens out and Cosima knows it’s fallen asleep. Carefully, she finds her notepad in her messenger bag and shifts through the pages of lecture notes she has in there. It will take some time before the beast wakes up again, she might as well occupy herself. Before her mind starts going places that are best left alone.

The chair is uncomfortable and she keeps moving around to find a position she can stay in for longer than a minute. Her eyes flicker to the sleeping form of the wolf, taking her in.

She usually only sees the others in their wolf shapes when they have Changed for a run together. Cosima knows they are beautiful. Any wolf is, really. And her Pack has a frightening quality to them, too, thanks to their natural hair colors that means their fur is dark, almost black. The other Packs are more diverse, but it’s not something that bothers Cosima. She can tell everyone apart, even as wolves, because they all smell different and that’s enough for her.

At some point, Alison arrives, and Cosima can hear her and Sarah starting to fight with Mrs S again. She shakes her head, frowning. That Alison is so relentless in demanding they kill the other woman might come as a surprise to anyone who doesn’t really know the other woman. It’s absolutely none to Cosima. She knows Alison doesn’t trust her, never did. Knows that the tight control Alison keeps on the beast in herself isn’t for her and that Alison resents Cosima for her sometimes lax attitude towards their condition. The thing is, Cosima gave up so much after being Bitten that she refuses to give up her humor. There’s no weed any more, barely any alcohol, barely any strangers in her life to amuse herself with. She’s lost most of her friends because she moved across the country and border to be with her Pack, to have a safety net in case she snaps. As much as she might claim otherwise, Cosima doesn’t trust herself to live close to her family any more. Doesn’t go back to San Fran unless she knows she won’t be for more than two days, tops. Being around her parents, it’s just too painful. It reminds her of a life she used to lead that she can never go back to. And her parents know that their daughter has changed, even though they cannot exactly explain how. So she keeps her distance, stays away in order to protect them, and her Pack.

It’s not a surprise that Sarah still wants to find her sister, is still trying to get permission to go on another “Search and Rescue” mission. Only that Mrs S now thinks it would be better if it were a “Search and Destroy” mission, which does not fly with Sarah. There’s something in her fierce loyalty to her sister that astounds Cosima and stirs a hint of jealousy in her. If it had been her that snapped, the Pack would’ve already disposed of her body by now.

She shakes her head and attempts to steer her attention back to her notes. The wolf lets out a whimper and she looks up as it starts convulsing on the floor. For a few seconds, she’s mesmerized before Cosima averts her eyes. Still, the sound of skin tearing, flesh ripping fills her ears, coupled with anguished screams. Her nails dig into the flesh of her palms as Cosima clenches her eyes shut and tries to block it out, tries to stave off her own Change.

When there is only the sound of harsh breathing filling the air, Cosima slowly relaxes, knowing it’s over. Opens her eyes to look back at the cage. Cowering in a corner is the stranger, arms wrapped around her bare legs. Her blonde hair is sticking to her skin. She _reeks_.

Cosima wrinkles her nose and places her notes down. Slowly, she approaches the cage from the other side. Sits down on the ground.

“Hello,” she greets the other girl, a soft smile tugging on her lips. “I’m Cosima.”

The girl watches her, eyes flickering around nervously, unable to settle on anything. Cosima waits, drawing slow breaths and ignoring the throbbing of her hands. She remembers these moments, crystal sharp images in a maze of hazy memories, remembers Mrs S offering her something to drink, remembers her just talking to her. Placating Cosima, attempting to calm her, attempting to forge a bond, she’s never really managed to figure that part out. For the newcomers sake, Cosima wants to form a bond, wants her to start seeing the Pack as her family. But that will take time; she didn’t accept them as her new family from one day to the next, either. She just hopes that, in time, the girl will learn to control her Changes, will recognize Mrs S as her Alpha, and they will be able to welcome her as a member of their Pack. Or if that doesn’t happen, then at least that she will live and be able to be in control of the wolf. If that doesn’t happen, all of Cosima’s pleading will have been for naught.

A shake of her head. She doesn’t want to dwell on these thoughts. Cosima is painfully aware of what happens to werewolves who don’t learn to control themselves, knows what fate awaits them because it almost became her own.

The girl runs her tongue over her lips, moving them slowly.

“Are you thirsty?” Cosima asks, pushing a bottle of water between the bars, careful to pull her hand back before the girl can touch her. She wants to believe in her, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t aware of the risk, or that she trusts the other woman not to rip her to shreds. Whether she realizes it or not, she definitely could.

For now, she seems more occupied with satisfying other urges, though. Cosima watches her gulp down the water, eyes skirting around the room again, finding the door. Cosima follows her line of sight, sighs. As long as their Alpha does not give her okay, there won’t be any getting out of this basement. The first step is gaining Siobhan’s trust, then the rest of the Pack will follow, more or less.

“Hungry, too?” she asks the girl when she caps the empty bottle with shaking fingers and pushes it through the bars. She looks at Cosima, green eyes accusing. This time, she makes no attempt to speak. Instead, she scoots back into the corner of the cage, rolls in on herself and closes her eyes. Her breathing doesn’t even out until almost an hour later. Cosima keeps sitting on the cold concrete floor the whole time. Keeps watching their prisoner. Imprisoned for her own good, for her own protection, but the reason doesn’t change the outcome. Cosima remembers sitting in that place herself. Remembers being confused and hurt and so angry with the world. She remembers the first times anyone of the pack tried to talk to her, remembers the snarling and spitting. Not a pretty sight, certainly not. But still it’s something Cosima refuses to be ashamed off, unlike Alison. But Alison is different, different from Cosima and different from Sarah and different from Felix and certainly different from Helena. They’re all different from Helena, thank God.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation.

Her name is Delphine. It takes weeks until an actual conversation is possible, one that does not end with them being yelled at, spat at or something thrown at them.

When she was newly bitten, Cosima had little interest in admiring her Alpha’s patience. Now she has to admit that between her and Delphine, they have put the older woman through so much crap that it’s a miracle they’re both still alive and members of the Pack

Which is a bit questionable when it comes to their newest addition. Delphine doesn’t really recognize Siobhan as her Alpha, prefers to snarl at her instead of obeying. Alison gives a nervous twitch whenever that happens and Cosima’s worry grows when she sees Sarah ball her hands into fists at the newcomer’s newest outburst.

The thing is, even she isn’t really getting through to the other woman. Kind of understandable. Cosima wasn’t interested in any talks and explanations at that stage, either. She just wanted to go back to her normal life, and when it became obvious that it was impossible, the blinding rage set in.

And then she gets home from school and finds Delphine curled up on the window seat in Cosima’s room, reading one of Cosima’s papers. Like, not just leafing through it, but actually reading it, brows furrowed and mouth opened slightly in concentration. She’d be pissed off if it weren’t such a cute sight. And if Cosima weren’t happy to see Delphine do something aside from raging at everyone around.

“You like microbiology?” she asks casually, dumping her bag next to the door and hopping around as she pulls off her boots. The blonde woman looks up in surprise and blinks slowly, eyes drifting back to the paper.

“I’m a PhD student. Immunology. I study host-parasite relationships,” Delphine mutters, her voice strangely soft before she closes her eyes. “Studied,” she amends, and the defeat in her voice makes Cosima’s heart ache.

“You can go back,” she tells her, slowly walking over. “When you’ve got this under control, nothing will keep you from pursuing your career. Look at me.”

“You’re not the one who gets locked in the basement cage,” Delphine snaps at her, standing. She’s still clutching the essay in her hand, slowly crumbling the paper.

“I used to,” Cosima shrugs, meeting the other woman’s surprised gaze. “I told you, not all of us are hereditary werewolves. I’m not; I got bitten when I was nineteen.”

The blonde swallows, eyes flickering away. Cosima takes a step back in an attempt at giving her space, no longer blocking her way to the door. She pulls off her sweater, stretching in the progress. The skin on the back of her neck is tight, a soft tingling starting. She can ignore it for a few more hours. The Pack wants to run tonight and Cosima knows that Mrs S was planning on inviting Delphine along for the first time. Maybe she already did, maybe this is why Delphine is in Cosima’s room. Coming to think of it, it’s strange that she was allowed in here.

They’re all very particular about their private spaces. Comes with being a wolf, a need for territory. Alison gets antsy when someone comes into her home unannounced; Helena used to outright jump people when they went into her room. Felix has his own loft, though he hangs out here more often than at his place. Now, Cosima and Sarah are the only ones who don’t own their own spaces, aside from Delphine of course. But even the blonde woman has her own room in the house. Right now it only has the bare minimum, a bed, closet, drawer, a desk. Siobhan told her she was free to decorate it to her liking, but so far, Delphine hasn’t made any move to do it. Whenever she is in her room, she sits at the desk and stares out the window with an empty expression. Sometimes, when the blonde woman is in a particularly passive-aggressive mood, she refuses to leave the Cage, even after it’s been opened. Cosima usually tries to talk her out of it, until she has to leave to attend her classes.

Sometimes Cosima wants to have a place to absolutely call her own. An apartment that only belongs to her. But then, when it gets to the point where she’s about to sign the lease, she always chickens out. Mrs S said that she was free to live by herself. She wishes that she had the same faith in her ability to remain in control. School is bad enough some days, and coming home to an apartment complex crawling with humans afterwards does not really sound all that pleasing. Plus, here she is the cool aunt for Kira, can teach her some science when Sarah isn’t looking.

“Do you think,” Delphine starts, voice barely audible, “that I could really go back?”

Cosima turns, watching her and weighing the question.

“To being a human? No. That’s impossible,” she shakes her head. “Some stuff just has to change permanently. But there are aspects of our lives we can return to. An own apartment, our jobs most of the time, leading our own lives.”

“Then why are you still here?” the French woman asks, furrowing her brows. Cosima’s lips tug into a sad smile. She used to be like this, too, unable to believe that someone might chose this life. How anyone who was free to leave would stay here and not run and never look back.

“This is my home,” she answers finally, “my family, my Pack. I’m not leaving them if I have a choice.”

Delphine watches her, searches Cosima’s face before walking over to her bedside drawer and picking up the picture on it.

“These people, they’re your real family, aren’t they?”

It’s the one picture in the house that depicts humans. It’s Cosima’s human family. Her parents and her brother.

“They are my human family, yes,” she slowly answers, wondering where on earth Delphine might be going with this.

“Do they even know you’re still alive?”

The words sting and Cosima snatches the framed photograph from the other woman’s hands, hackles rising at the invasion of her privacy.

“Don’t walk in here again when I don’t give you permission,” she throws at Delphine before turning on her heel and slamming the door to the ensuite bathroom shut behind her.

After she was Bitten, there were months when her parents were looking for her. Looking for a daughter that had suddenly vanished off the face of the earth. It took a while for Cosima to be ready to face them again, to feel like she had enough control over the wolf inside her to be able to see her parents. She hadn’t wanted to worry them like that, knew that after her brother’s death, they wouldn’t be able to bear the loss of their remaining child.

It had been an accident. In Cosima’s final year of high school, her older brother had gone backpacking through Europe. She’d tagged along for the German leg of his tour, but then the holidays had been over, classes had started up again and she’d had to leave. Since the phone call, Cosima has always wondered what would’ve happened if she’d said screw it and stayed with him, in Europe. In a country where she was old enough to have alcohol; away from the worried eyes of the adults that knew her she’d gotten drunk out of her mind, her brother laughing when her body had finally rebelled at the abuse and she’d ended up with her head over the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach into it.

Damien had been a good guy. A little reckless, but that seemed to run in the family, because it was the kind of recklessness that had manifested itself in Cosima, too. At their age, seventeen and nineteen, they’d both believed themselves to be invincible. He’d found out the hard way that it wasn’t the truth.

Cosima shakes her head with determination, chasing those thoughts away as she begins to strip. A shower, then food, then running with the Pack, that’s the plan for tonight. No bad memories but making new ones.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first run.

Five more weeks pass, with Alison walking out and refusing to return for days thanks to Delphine, until the blonde woman runs with them for the first time.

Instead of trying to teach the blonde woman herself, Mrs S tells Cosima that it’s her turn. It’s an immense pressure, but the thing is, they have been getting closer, after Delphine apologized about the comment on Cosima’s family. Closer than Delphine is to anyone else in the Pack, that much is certain. They share an interest in science, both of them study microbiology. And they’re bitten werewolves.

So while Cosima is busy teaching Delphine some control, she slowly hears more of the young woman’s life story. They’re all about the same age, her Pack, aside from Mrs S, but Cosima can’t help but think of Delphine as so much younger than herself. She looks at her and sees a human struggling to find her new place, not a werewolf confident in knowing the world is hers. Maybe that’s what makes Cosima go easy on her and take a breath and try again when Alison snapped long ago.

That night, they all walk into the woods, finding places to Change. It’s an immense sign of trust that Delphine gets the same privacy as everyone else. It takes her longer to Change, and Felix and Sarah already run off, unable to wait any more. Usually, Cosima would be right at their heels, but this time, she sticks around, even though her paws itch for her to race through the undergrowth, to chase the others and to hunt.

Even after they have all Changed, she stays close to Mrs S, close to Delphine. Alison is wound tight as a spring, tail tucked between her legs as she trails after them. Cosima shakes her head at her sister. She loves this part about being a werewolf the most: the freedom and joy that comes with racing through the woods, knowing everything in it is yours.

It doesn’t take long for Sarah’s howl to reach them, Felix joining in. Cosima pauses, throws her head back and answers. Her tongue lolls out and she looks at Delphine, who looks torn between wanting to run off and being overwhelmed with her surroundings. She’s never been in the woods since she got Bitten, the danger of her simply taking off too big to risk it. Now Cosima watches as Delphine lifts her paws off the forest ground and sets them down again, tilting her head. She snorts and the blonde wolf’s head snaps up, watching her with wide eyes. Cosima nudges her side before running off in the direction Sarah’s howl came from, leaving Delphine to decide what to do. When she looks back after a few leaps, she sees a flash of yellow moving through the trees and Cosima slows down to let her catch up.

There’s a rabbit crashing through the undergrowth and Cosima changes direction, deciding to follow it. Delphine lets out a yelp of surprise and scrambles to keep up, but her paws slip on the damp leaves and she flies into a bush, leaving Cosima to snort in amusement as she waits for her to untangle herself, the rabbit having escaped. Delphine gives her an indignant look as she shakes herself, leaves and twigs falling from her. Cosima leans back, her rear stuck in the air, tongue lolling out again. Delphine tilts her head, something sparking in her eyes before she mimics her. Her heart is thundering in her chest and Cosima feigns a move to the left before taking off to the right instead, leaving Delphine to chase after her. Or at least attempt to.

They chase each other around most of the night, mock fights breaking out between Delphine and the others. She’s no match for Sarah or Cosima, but gives back almost as good as she gets from Alison. Usually, it’s enough for Cosima to run with the others, to catch a rabbit or two, but tonight, it’s different. The wolf inside her yearns, wants to be free, the human tilting her head in confusion. She has never felt that way before. It was always enough to run with her pack, to give Alison a good whack and to chase Felix through the undergrowth, but that only leaves her more restless. Cosima takes off again, chasing after a rabbit, managing to catch it on her own. Following an instinct, she throws back her head and howls, as loud as she can. It doesn’t take long for the answer to sound in her ears and then her pack is with her again, sniffing the catch. Mrs S feeds first and Sarah and Cosima run off, in search of more food.

Later, belly filled with rabbit, she watches as Delphine starts devouring the scraps they left for her. Felix takes a step closer, nosing the remains of the rabbit that Delphine has her face buried in, and Cosima feels a low growl resonate within her chest, the wolf inside her bristling. Her pack brother looks up in surprise, tail tugging between his legs as he slinks away again. She feels Mrs S watch her, eyes trimmed on her every move, so Cosima forces herself to relax, even when the wolf inside her refuses to settle completely, her eyes still fixed on the pale wolf as she feeds.

Sarah kicks at Felix when he tries to groom her shortly after. Delphine watches them, ears upright as she is lying on the forest ground. Cosima flops down next to her. The light fur of her sister’s face is matted with blood. Cosima tilts her head then moves in, licking away. The human in her raises her eyebrows in surprise, but the wolf leaps with joy, urges her on. Delphine licks across her chest, turns on her back and exposes her belly to Cosima before she turns, eyes trimmed on a row of bushes. Cosima heard it, too, but ignores the fox in favor of watching the other wolf. She’s beautiful, graceful, but more than that; there is something in Delphine that makes Cosima’s wolf feel at home in a way she has never been before.

Sarah throws her head back and howls, the note long and loud in the night air. She draws a breath and does it again, Felix joining her this time, and then Cosima and Mrs S. When Alison finally relents, there’s another, new howl joining the sound of the pack. Cosima looks over to find Delphine standing there, head tilted back, staring at the stars above the clearing as she pants between notes.

_Mate_ , the wolf in Cosima whispers and she shakes her head in a motion that is entirely too dog-like before she joins the howling again. She’s not the Alpha. She doesn’t get to mate.


	6. Chapter 5

The skin between her shoulder blades is burning as Cosima lands on top of Jayden, laughter bubbling up in her chest.

She likes it when Carlton’s pack stops by. Enjoys the days passing them by in a blissful haze, shifting between forms and not caring about anything else than the three f’s: food, fun and… adult fun.

Delphine’s arms are still crossed when Cosima chances a glance at the other woman. She’s practically bristling with discomfort as she stands off to the side as the packs greet each other, her back pressed against the wall, and the brunette is almost certain that it will only take one touch for Delphine to go bonkers.

The thing is, while Delphine is growing more comfortable with the Pack, she’s never been around other werewolves, never mind males ones. Aside from Felix, of course. But the thing about Felix and Delphine is that Delphine managed to claim his spot in the pack. She’s managed to defeat him, bested him in a few fights, and now she’s feeding before he does, even though Sarah still bares her fangs at the blonde when that happens (Delphine just snarls back and that’s always the end of that).

Felix isn’t a threat to Delphine, he never has been, even in human form. But these guys, Carlton and his entire pack, they’re all men and all of them werewolves and some of them easily weigh twice as much as Delphine. Aside from Johnny, who’s Kira’s age, they could really do a number on them if they wanted to.

But they don’t. No matter how often the two Packs meet, there has never been a serious injury. Of course there are the bruises and scrapes that always comes with rough-housing, but no one ever really got hurt. Though Cosima is sure that if she told Delphine that, the blonde wouldn’t believe her for one second.

“She okay?” Jayden mutters, starting to trail kisses along Cosima’s neck in a way that lets her give an appreciative moan. The guy really knows what he’s doing, Cosima has to blink and lean back to be able to concentrate.

“She will be, eventually,” she replies, grabbing his arms and pinning them above his head. Jayden struggles briefly and she lets go, getting up and holding her hand out to him to help him up. Her body is tingling with anticipation of the events to come, but right now is not the time. It’s time to get started on dinner and hopefully ease some of the tension out of Delphine.

The freedom that comes with everyone around them knowing who they are is something Cosima relishes. It’s probably why she is still living with the Pack, or at least part of the reason. She doesn’t have to lie and make excuses with other werewolves, they simply understand, even though they all have different degrees of control over their condition. They don’t judge each other for eating too much, for being loud and rough, don’t have to make excuses for their sometimes very short tempers and snark.

Gradually, Delphine starts relaxing. They seat her between Johnny and Carlton, opposite of Cosima, so she has someone familiar and people who aren’t threats to her. She plays with the kids,even helps Johnny with his science homework. Like Kira, he’s homeschooled, though Carlton’s pack doesn’t have a scientist among them. When they run, Delphine stays close to Cosima and Mrs S, seeks their cover. She has her tail tugged between her legs most of the time, unless Cosima keeps prodding her to join the rest for a game of tag.

The fifth day of Carlton’s pack being around, Cosima wakes up naked, with Jayden in her bed. He’s still snoring softly and Cosima rolls out of bed with a grimace and as quietly as possible to allow him a few more minutes of sleep. Also, as much fun as she had last night, she isn’t entirely up to talking to him just yet.

Jayden has been her closest friend, possibly, since she became a werewolf. The first time they met, they hit it off. He was also the first of their kind she ever slept with, and it somehow became a thing between them. Their friendship is a physical and intellectual one, they can talk about everything with each other, philosophical implications of modern sciences or that one episode of Star Trek, but eventually, things turn sexual between them. It’s not something that usually bothers Cosima, especially because they’ve always been honest with each other. She knows when he has a girlfriend, he knows when she’s seeing someone, yet that never stops them. But last night, when he went down on her, Cosima closed her eyes and for a split second, it wasn’t Jayden she hoped to have between her legs. He noticed something was off, realized it hours before when they were all running together and Carlton barreled Delphine out of the way and Cosima gave a snarl.

The house is strangely quiet as she makes her way down the stairs to get started on a pot of coffee and possibly breakfast. She catches a whiff of Delphine’s scent, making her perk up, and when Cosima enters the kitchen, she freezes at the sight of Delphine.

It’s not seeing her pack sister that makes her pause, but that Delphine is backed against the counter, her back to the door. And normally, Cosima would hurry to her aid, only that the blonde woman seems rather compliant in her position, if the soft moan she lets out when Michael kisses her again is anything to go by.

Quietly, Cosima turns and steals back into the hallway, her heart beating in her chest. It’s not the first time she walked in on someone of the pack, and it’s not the worst she has seen (Sarah and one of her conquests come to mind), but this feels strange and all kinds of wrong. She creeps back up the stairs and closes the door to her bedroom behind her, her breath ragged as she slides down the wood to collapse in a heap on the floor. Jayden stirs and looks at her and Cosima just shakes her head as the tears begin to fall. She doesn’t want to talk about it, and she certainly doesn’t want to think about Delphine kissing anyone else and enjoying it.

* * *

 

She never tells Delphine that she saw, and when she encounters them again, neither her nor Michael look particularly embarrassed, and what is more, Cosima can’t smell them on each other. Which is a creepy way of figuring out how far things went between them, and maybe Cosima is wrong and they already showered, but thinking that they didn’t have sex does provide some comfort.

Though maybe, it would have been a good thing, she figures months later, when things have calmed down and have almost returned to normal and Delphine is spending an awful amount of time around humans. One particular human, actually, one by the name of Henry Jenner. Cosima met him once and thought he was too nice, which is saying a lot, but Delphine seems to enjoy his attention. He texts her at all times of day, they have lunch and dinner dates and one time, when he gets caught up at work, he actually sends flowers to the house, with an apology card attached.

Cosima would’ve liked to beat him to death with them, but alas, she restrained herself. Delphine knows she’s not entirely thrilled with the relationship and Cosima is trying really hard not to let it show too much. If hanging out with a human makes Delphine happy, well, who’s Cosima to stop her from enjoying herself?

She gets agitated when Delphine doesn’t come home one evening. It’s half past eleven, Delphine’s dinner date was at nine and she always comes back so her and Cosima can have some ice cream and watch a silly movie or something. Now it’s half an hour after the latest she ever came back and Cosima is starting to get worried. The moon is bright out and Cosima stares up at it, hoping for some answers as she keeps glancing at her phone.

When it does finally chime, she almost drops it in her haste to read the message.

> _Won’t be home tonight, don’t wait up. - D_

Cosima stares at the screen, blinks and then quickly types back.

> _Why did something happen where are you answer me!!!_

She’s bouncing on her feet, waiting for a reply, which doesn’t come until ten minutes later.

> _I talked to Mrs. S, it’s fine, she knows where I am. Go to bed Cosima. - D_

As the words register, Cosima feels as if someone pushed her out of an airplane without parachute and now she’s falling, waiting to crash into the ground.


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another conversation.

Henry never stops by the house, and Cosima goes out of her way to make sure she does not run into him at school. She throws herself into her classes and thesis and before she knows what hit her, she has her degree and Delphine and Henry have broken up and she is seeing someone else, another human.

The Pack has been all sorts of weird lately. Sarah is struggling with being a mother to Kira and still trying to find her sister secretly, and Alison is more on edge than usual. Cosima wouldn’t really have noticed, but she’s busy hiding from Delphine. It’s ridiculous, she knows it, it’s not Delphine’s fault she fell in love (a persistent little voice in her head keeps asking her if Delphine actually is in love and Cosima wishes it would just shut up). But still she cannot bear to be around the blonde most of the time, the reminder that it’s someone else who gets to spend their nights with her is just too much.

She takes to running on her own. Fakes being busy when the Pack runs and gets Changed by herself another night. The forest is lonely and when she howls, there is no one to answer Cosima. She manages to chase down a rabbit, but her hunger turns into anger and she tears it to shreds, a growl vibrating through her. A sudden sound makes her snap her head up and she sees Mrs S standing there, yellow wolf eyes watching Cosima.

Cosima barely manages to bite back a snarl at her Alpha. The dark wolf sits down, watching her intently. Cosima lets out a snort and shakes her head, turning around to stare at the mess she created. _That’s not something animals do_ , a voice in her head reminds her. _That’s human destructiveness_. Suddenly, she’s disgusted with herself and stalks off into a thicket to Change back again. When she comes out, Mrs S is still sitting there, wolf eyes watching her. Cosima avoids her eyes and makes the way back to the house, shivering in the cool night air, her head swimming.

* * *

“You _reek_ of human,” Felix observes when Delphine walks into the house the day after, making the blonde woman pause. Cosima barely slept a wink, after what happened in the forest. Mrs S hasn’t pulled her aside for a talk, at least not yet, and Cosima is kind of worried about what is about to come her way.

“I do work in a lab,” Delphine shrugs as Felix’s eyes flicker to Cosima. The wolf in her snarls at the smell drifting from Delphine and she firmly slaps it on the muzzle. She can’t afford to blow up at the other woman, not after her display the night before. And again, it is not Delphine’s fault that Cosima doesn’t have her feelings under control.

“He means,” she explains, her voice carefully neutral, “that we can smell him on you.”

Her words make Delphine freeze in the middle of unpacking the groceries she brought with her for dinner.

“You may wanna take a shower. Alison doesn’t like the smell of sex in the afternoon. Or at any time, really,” Felix adds. His comment has Delphine flushing crimson before she excuses herself, scrambling up the stairs to the bathroom. With a sigh and a nudge from Felix, Cosima follows her slowly and waits in front of Delphine’s door, feeling utterly like some lovesick puppy and not the wolf she turns into. It’s almost thirty minutes before the other woman steps from the bathroom, towel wrapped around herself, blonde curls dripping wet. She smells of wolf and peach shower gel, the lingering scent of her nightly activities thankfully gone.

“You didn’t tell me,” she points at Cosima as she pushes past her into her room. The towel falls away and it takes Cosima a few seconds to realize she should not be staring at the naked form of her pack sister. They are very comfortable around each other. Waking up naked, cuddling the others as after a night run does that. Still, there is a difference between being comfortable with nudity and staring at someone like you’re about to devour them, and Cosima can feel her wolf side get ready to pounce.

“I told you to be careful,” Cosima shrugs, flopping down on Delphine’s bed and allowing her eyes to take in the room. It’s a far cry from the naked state it used to be in when Delphine started living with them. They’ve painted the walls in a soft orange hue and bought matching drapes for it. She’s put up medical posters, along with post-it notes the pack sometimes write each other. Most of them bear Cosima’s handwriting, notes she scribbled and pasted on Delphine’s door when the other woman wasn’t home or busy studying.

“I thought you meant so I would not lose control,” the blonde shakes her head as she puts on a tank top, “not that you’d all know when I was having sex.”

The hackles of her wolf rise and Cosima mentally slaps it on the muzzle again, making it yelp. Not an Alpha, she reminds herself. Not your place.

It’s been two years since Helena bit Delphine. It feels like a whole lot longer, and then also as if no time has passed at all. It’s strange, Cosima can’t really explain it. Sometimes she wishes being a werewolf also came with the ability to stop time, though, because she can feel things changing and it doesn’t feel like a good change at all.

“I didn’t think you were,” she mutters, picking up a bracelet before setting it down. She can feel Delphine’s eyes on her and attempts to keep from squirming. They’ve been fighting a lot, lately. Cosima doesn’t like that she’s leaving the pack more and more, goes out with different men, flirts with them at clubs, drinks alcohol… she tries to justify it with being concerned for her, being worried that Delphine is still young, a fresh werewolf, that she might lose control. But whenever she tries to do that, Mrs S just looks at her with that expression in her eyes that says she can see right through Cosima’s front. It makes her antsy and wondering if maybe she should return to San Fran, get some distance between the Pack and herself. Not that Cosima would do that. After what happened with Helena, she’s reluctant to leave her Pack, out of fear of doing something like the other woman did, and last night certainly didn’t help in that regard.

Delphine sighs, sitting down on her bed. “Cosima?” she starts and her tone makes the other woman look over at her friend, pack member and- she quickly gives her wolf another whack. No. Don’t even think it.

“You don’t have a mate, do you?”

Cosima feels her entire body stiffen. She narrows her eyes before she shakes her head.

“No.”

Delphine sighs, twisting a hand into her curls with a frown, oblivious to how inappropriate the question was. She wishes that she could yell at her, but Cosima merely crosses her arms, fingers digging into her ribs to keep up a calm exterior while she’s fuming, angry at Delphine and at herself.

“Do you, I mean, Alison and Donnie,” Delphine begins, searching for the words. Cosima tries not to snort with derision at the mention of Alison’s human husband. “I was wondering… she seems to really love him. Can we… this mate thing, can it work with humans, too?”

Cosima frowns, drawing a breath and slowly letting it out. It would be easy to lie. She’s done it about a million times, to herself. Told herself she could be normal still, after being Bitten. Could live a normal life, with the occasional escape to the forest to run. Told herself she’d meet a guy one day, or a gal, and settle down. Could feel for any human the way she feels for her Pack. It’s comforting, that lie. Until one day, you cannot keep it up, and it comes shattering around you, when you feel yourself inexplicably drawn to another werewolf.

“No,” Cosima swallows. “No, I don’t think it can.”

Delphine closes her eyes, fingers clenching the comforter on her bed. It’s easy to run from the truth, really easy. Until someone refuses to play along.

“I was afraid you’d say that,” she whispers, reaching up to wipe at a tear that’s running down her face. Cosima walks over and sits down next to her. Her hand is warm, familiar, the touch calming, even though it stirs thoughts in Cosima that shouldn’t be there. She pushes them down, her anger having dissipated.

“We can love them,” she offers. Alison does love her husband, that’s something Cosima never doubted. And Donnie is the perfect kind of human for a werewolf to have as a partner: soft, pliant, easy to shut down and shut up. It’s a miracle that anyone would put up with their loved one disappearing without warning once every week. Cosima knows Alison has perfected the art of lying and subtle manipulation, has come up with a hundred excuses as to why she’s away, why she slips from their marriage bed every once in a while. Why she has friends she refuses to introduce him to, why he cannot meet her “cousins”. Cosima tried that herself, with a human partner. Once. Zack was different, different from Donnie. Less understanding, less patient, and less easily controlled. In the end, she couldn’t lie to him any more. Couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eyes and swear that she wasn’t keeping things from him.

But the love, the bond between mates… it’s not something that’s easily explained to people. It’s more than love, more than a mere wish to spend the rest of your life with someone. It’s finding the one person that absolutely completes you, that calls to your soul, the one who makes you feel like you’re floating and grounds you at the same time… It’s a partnership, for life. Humans call them soulmates and it’s probably the same concept. Cosima hasn’t thought about it too much, hasn’t felt like she needed to, at least not before she got to know Delphine. She was aware that if she ever ended up settling down with someone, it would probably be another werewolf, simply because it means there would be way less lies and having to make excuses and explain things.

“They just… there’s a whole part of our lives we can’t tell humans about. They know it. Not the secret itself, but they know we’re different, deep down they can sense it,” Cosima rambles, pinching the bridge of her nose. “We can love them, and they love us back. But eventually, the lies become too much. Dating a human, it never ends well.”

Delphine sighs.

“Alison and Donnie seem to be able to make it work,” she offers a protest. Cosima searches her face, watches her carefully. She has a pretty good guess at the kind of thoughts Delphine has, why she is reacting so strongly to the news that a lasting relationship with a human probably isn’t in her cards. And maybe it should be Mrs S that explains that to her, but Cosima thinks that the older woman has already delivered enough blows to Delphine, and really, she was the one who refused to go along with Delphine’s delusions this time around.

“You do realize that Alison got sterilized when they got serious, right?”

Delphine’s face is shocked as she stares at Cosima, jaw slackened. Seems like Cosima guessed correctly. Awesome.

“Explaining your own escapades away is one thing. Covering for your kid and trying to teach them about their own nature and forcing them to lie to their other parent is another,” Cosima shrugs.

It’s one of the few things that Alison did and does that Cosima understands wholeheartedly. Mrs S found Sarah and Helena and Felix when they were kids and took them in, their parents unable to take care of them without the support of a pack behind them. Alison’s parents split when she was barely a teenager, under the strain of her mother trying to figure out how to explain to her daughter who she really was, what was happening with her body and keep it all a secret from her human husband. And when Cosima was dating Zack, she made extra sure there would be absolutely no surprises. She’s not about to put werewolf offspring into this world, not without having every tiny detail figured out at least. That includes how to tell them what they are, includes knowing that whoever ends up having children with her knows the truth, the whole truth. And honestly, Cosima cannot see a human being able to be with her if they knew everything about her life, not in the long run.

Delphine worries at her lip, a sad smile tugging at it.

“Any advice on how to break up with a human?” she asks, stealing a sideways glance at Cosima. Far as she knows, Henry was the one who broke up with Delphine. Something about a job offer that was going to take him out of the country. Of course she hadn’t been able to go with him and he’d thought long-distance would be unfair to them both. Cosima has wisely kept her mouth firmly shut in regards to her opinion about that event.

“Let his imagination run wild,” Cosima offers now. “They usually suspect we’re hiding something. Most of the time, their immediate conclusion is we’re having an affair. If you don’t wanna lie to him that way, just tell him you can’t do a relationship right now. And if that fails, you can always sick Sarah on his ass,” she adds in an attempt at easing the tension with some humor.

At that, Delphine lets out a soft laugh, bumping Cosima’s shoulder. She joins her laughter with soft giggles, sobering when she realizes that Delphine is staring at her.

“Are we still friends?” she asks her, voice soft and insecure.

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Cosima…” Delphine sighs, a warning edge creeping into her tone. “I’m not stupid. You’ve been… weird, lately.”

Cosima shrugs.

“Just work,” she explains it away. Delphine gives her a look that tells her she doesn’t entirely believe her, maybe senses the lie even. Cosima knows that it might be possible, they tend to pick up on nonverbal cues a lot more easily than humans might, even though they aren’t able to explain those “gut instincts” most of the time.

“Come on, Felix is probably starving,” she decides to change the subject, getting up and leaving Delphine’s room for the kitchen. Sure enough, her pack brother is devouring what seems like the leftovers from last night, prompting Cosima to roll her eyes. She’s already got a pot with water on the stove and is mincing onions for the sauce when Delphine joins them, wordlessly starting on the meat. It’s this sort of comfortable domesticity and companionship Cosima loves about having a pack. There are werewolves who prefer solitude, but she’s not one of them and pretty certain she’d never be able to. She loves her found family too much for that.

Now she just has to get those damn feelings under control and prove to Mrs S she can stand being around Delphine before the next thing she rips to shreds in a fresh bout of frustration turns out to be a person.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A change.

It’s weird to have her own place, finally, after years of having lived in the same house as her Pack.

Cosima thought long and hard about this. She went to see what probably amounts to fifty apartments, until she settles on one. It’s close to Felix’s loft, so she can easily drop by, or he can come over. Mrs S approves. At least Cosima thinks she does. Her Alpha didn’t say anything indicating otherwise, and she did go with Cosima when she signed the lease. That had to count for something, right?

Felix and Alison help her decorate. Cosima knows Delphine’s schedule well enough to make sure that she has other plans already before she invites the others. Felix is willing and eager to basically drop everything when presented with an opportunity to bestow his interior design ideas on someone else. Alison tags along because she insists that Cosima’s apartment will have to be at least a bit presentable to strangers, in case she ever needs to entertain.

They spend days going over paint samples and possible furniture layouts. It’s nice to not have to worry that much about money. Mrs S allows her a “loan”, from the money Felix brings in with his art. Cosima insists she will pay it back, in time. Her parents paid for university and her degree, and she does have some money saved, but by far not enough to buy furniture for an entire apartment. Felix waves it off. They don’t think about it that way, werewolves and their Packs. It’s like family looking out for each other. Mrs S helped Alison out with the money for her house and she made sure Felix had everything he wanted when he moved out, even though the guy still spends the majority of his time at the house. Now she does the same for Cosima.

At first, Cosima still sleeps at the house, before she also starts spending the nights at her place. She usually leaves with Felix after dinner. The first night on her own, she lays awake, listening to the various noises in the apartment complex, unable to fall asleep with the strange background noises and weird smells. That gets better over time. Her apartment is closer to the lab she works at, allowing her to sleep in a bit each morning. Felix and her text a lot, while she cuts back on the amount of messages she exchanges with Delphine.

When she skips the fourth Pack run in a row, Cosima comes home to find Delphine sitting in front of the door to her apartment, head resting against the wood, her eyes closed. It’s late, the hallway lights make her seem even more pale. For a second, Cosima’s heart stops beating as she remembers the picture years ago, when Sarah and her found the other woman.

Delphine opens her eyes and turns her head to look at her in that moment, her lips curling into an apologetic smile as she stands. She picks up a sixpack from the floor, holding it up.

“You missed the run last night,” she simply shrugs. Cosima swallows and crosses the distance. It takes her a moment of fumbling around with her keys before she gets the door to open, allowing Delphine into her apartment. She would have liked to be alone, truth be told. After a day of being surrounded by humans, Cosima needs some time to recharge her batteries. That she is still avoiding Delphine, still trying to get a grip on her feelings, is not helping matters any.

Delphine hasn’t been at her place before. Somehow, Cosima always managed to come up with an excuse. She knew that sooner or later, she’d eventually have to allow the other woman to come around. She’d just hoped that that day was far along into the future.

“Mrs S sent you, didn’t she?” Cosima asks, tossing her keys on the couch table. She crosses her arms as Delphine slowly sits down on her couch, the sixpack placed next to Cosima’s keys.

“I volunteered,” Delphine shrugs, fumbling with the zipper of her jacket. She finally lets her hand fall away when Cosima gives no indication that she’s a welcome guest. The blonde lets out a sigh and twists her hands into her curls with a shake of her head.

“The truth is, I miss you,” she admits, looking up at where Cosima is still hovering near the door. “The house seems empty without you. I can’t just come talk to you in the middle of the night. You’re barely answering my texts anymore and… I just miss my friend.”

At her words, Cosima deflates. Her hands fall to her sides as she crosses the room, grabbing a bottle of beer and using the edge of the table to open it. She holds it out for Delphine to take, which she does, a relieved smile flickering across the blonde’s face. Cosima grabs another bottle and opens that before sitting down next to her Pack sister, clinking her bottle against Delphine’s before she takes a gulp.

“Did I miss anything important?” she asks, the nail of her thumb scratching over the edge of the label on her bottle. Delphine shrugs, sipping at her beer.

“Not really,” she allows. She falls back against the back of the couch. The sound of the zipper of her jacket fills the room and Cosima kicks her legs up on the table, making herself comfortable, or at least attempting to. Comfortable is a relative term, the probability of achieving it growing smaller the closer she is to Delphine.

They talk about work. Delphine is still working on her dissertation and helps out in a lab part time while Cosima has landed herself a position in a research lab. She considered applying to the same one that Delphine works at but then quickly realized how stupid that thought was.

Felix seems to be dating again, Delphine muses after they have exhausted every possible topic related to their professions. Cosima just shrugs. She’s never been introduced to any of Felix’s conquests, with good reason. The guy has casual flings down to an art form. They all have, with the exception of Alison. It comes with the territory, really. None of them can afford to be in long term relationships, at least not with most humans. The longer said relationships carry on, the bigger the risk of exposure gets. They’ve lived in this area for so long none of them want to be forced to run because one of them grew lazy. Helena’s stunt years ago was bad enough.

“Can I ask you something?” Delphine asks, sitting up and watching Cosima. Who finishes of her third bottle and raises an eyebrow at the other woman.

“Sarah made a comment… I know it’s none of my business, and please don’t think I’m judging, I’m not-”

“Get to the point, will ya?” Cosima rolls her eyes at the other woman’s rambling.

“Are you gay?”

Cosima’s eyebrows shoot up to meet her hairline and she blinks slowly in surprise.

“Excuse me?”

A blush is spreading across Delphine’s cheeks and the blonde woman ducks her head, peeling at the label of her beer bottle.

“It’s just, all of a sudden, you move out, and you stop talking to me, and then Sarah says something and… I’m sorry.”

“I’m not gay,” Cosima shakes her head, rubbing a hand over her forehead. Delphine looks at her with a relieved smile and opens her mouth, but the brunette continues on. “I’m bi, actually. I’ve dated men and women, it really doesn’t matter to me. The Pack knows, I’ve always been open about it.”

“You never told me,” Delphine points out as she deflates, prompting Cosima to roll her eyes.

“I don’t go around telling people about my dating preferences. It didn’t matter. Who I date, sleep with or fall in love with doesn’t define me.”

Cosima watches as Delphine bites her lower lip, white teeth flashing.

“I have a good guess as to what you’re thinking about now,” Cosima grinds out between her teeth. “Let me remind you that their knowledge of my sexuality didn’t change the level of comfort Sarah, Alison or Helena felt waking up naked in the woods with me. You’re part of my Pack and I am well aware of your dating history, so rest assured that I won’t be coming onto you.”

“Cosima, I didn’t mean-”

“You should go,” Cosima interrupts Delphine’s attempt at an apology. She gets up and walks over to the door, opening it. She can’t look at Delphine, so she just stares at the wall, waiting for her Pack sister to get up from her couch. She hears Delphine set down her bottle and get up, slowly approaching her.

“Cosima-”

“Tell Mrs S I won’t be able to make it to dinner tomorrow, I have plans with colleagues.”

Delphine pauses in front of her, watches her. Cosima can feel it as she glares at the other woman’s shoulder, focussing on the fabric of Delphine’s shirt.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry, Cosima,” Delphine mutters. She feels fingers brush hers and Cosima yanks back her arm, glaring at the other woman.

“Get out,” she presses out between her teeth, her hackles rising. The skin at the back of her neck is burning, spreading down over her shoulders and creeping down her spine.

Delphine takes a step backwards and inclines her head before she ducks out of the apartment. Cosima slams the door shut behind her, the sound ringing in her ears as she falls to her knees, gasping for breath.

The Change burns through her veins; the onset too fast for her to do anything to stop it. Excruciating pain fills her as Cosima’s body changes. She hears her clothes rip and a pained howl escapes her before she can stop herself. Unless Delphine ran for the stairs and out of the building, she’d be able to hear Cosima’s agony. The thought of that is even more humiliating than the fact that a simple conversation with a Pack member sent her into so much distress that Cosima couldn’t control her body’s reaction.

* * *

When she comes to hours later, a raging headache is pounding in her brain. Cosima lets out a soft groan and rolls over. The sunlight that hits her face makes her groan again and she blinks her eyes open, slowly sitting up.

Her living room is absolutely trashed. The coffee table is thrown over, shards of brown glass littering the floor. The couch is shredded, feathers lining the remains and the floor surrounding it, leaving a trail into the corner of the room, where the sad remains of one of her cushions lay crumbled.

Carefully, Cosima stands, rolling her shoulders and working out the kinks. She’s naked, the remains of her torn clothing scattered across the room. There are superficial cuts all over her body, from what exactly she can only guess.

Last night was a nightmare. Judging by the state she left the living room in, she’s lucky her neighbors didn’t call the cops on her.

Carefully, she makes her way across the room, stepping around upended dining chairs. At least she managed to contain her anger mostly to this room, is seems. The hallway floor does baer scratch marks and she sees a few flecks of dark fur, remembering how she skidded along the floor and slammed into the wall, throwing over the decorative table and sending magazines flying. Apparently, she commence to shred those, if the confetti on the floor is anything to go by.

Her bedroom door was thankfully closed and even though there are scratch marks on it and the wall, she didn’t manage to open it. The kitchen was closed, too; Cosima remembers running smack into the door. With a sigh, she turns the knob and enters her bedroom, going to look for something to dress herself in.

When she’s done and has surveyed the damage done to the bathroom (not much, a shattered mirror that’s easily replaced, and all the shampoo and shower bottles knocked over), she returns to the living room, taking in the chaos before she starts cleaning up.

She’d call someone over to help, but it’s a bad idea. Felix would worry and tell their Alpha. Sarah would stare at her and help, but she’d insist that Cosima stay at the house for the time being, until she has regained her control. Alison… Alison would probably lock her in the cage and throw away the key. And Delphine, well, Delphine is the reason why Cosima’s living room currently resembles a war zone.

It takes her three hours to clean up the worst of the mess. There’s nothing she can do about her couch for the time being.

Her cell phone turns up in the chaos, the display cracked. She has a text from Mrs S, telling her she is expected at dinner tonight. With a groan, Cosima flops down on the remains of her couch, tossing the phone onto the coffee table. She needs to replace that, too, with how wobbly it is now. Nothing short of losing a limb is going to get her out of the Pack dinner, and she’s kind of fond of her extremities.


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An attack

It’s probably a very stupid idea to send her along to a conference that Delphine has to attend. But Alison can’t leave her family unless absolutely necessary, Sarah has Kira and Felix… well, as much as he may take a liking to certain aspects of chemistry, Cosima knows that sending him along would just be torture for the guy. So she sighs and inclines her head in acceptance as she gets the order. It’s not like she can tell her Alpha what happened the last time her and Delphine were alone with each other, not if she wants to risk being locked in the Cage, and really, Cosima has seen enough of the thing to last her a lifetime.

They book two connecting rooms in a motel close to the woods surrounding the city. Cosima would rather cut out her own tongue before she admits that the stink of the town is getting to her, but after a day spent among humans and filled with unwanted body contact, she can see even Delphine’s patience has worn thin.

At least the conference is half-interesting. If it weren’t for the lingering tension between her and Delphine and the many humans trying to flirt with her, Cosima would probably actually be enjoying herself. This way, she resigns herself to polite smiles, keeps the growl that threatens to escape when the next guy gets a bit too close back and concentrates on the next talk about the newest findings in stem cell research and its implications.

They haven’t run together in over a month, her and Delphine. Cosima isn’t exactly fond the idea, but her and Delphine are the only ones here. They both have to Change, and it will be more fun if they do it together. Less lonely. It’s bad enough that she’s been running alone on familiar territory, she doesn’t want to do the same in unfamiliar woods.

The woods are dense here. They smell different than the ones back home do. After they’ve changed, Delphine looks around and inhales, lowering her head to sniff at the ground. Cosima stretches, ears shifting. There’s the sound of a rabbit thumping a little in the East. She nudges Delphine and tilts her head. The pale wolf hesitates before her tongue lolls out as she dances around Cosima. Cosima lets out a snort and starts moving in the direction of their dinner.

It doesn’t take long to find the rabbit. The animals in these woods are not used to predators on the prowl; they’ve become lazy. Cosima prefers a challenge, but this will have to do. She lets Delphine land the kill, watches her jump the rabbit and tear out its throat, a high-pitched squeak coming from the animal as Delphine’s fangs sink into its flesh.

They find another rabbit after they’ve devoured this one. The smell of pines is strong in Cosima’s nostrils as she throws back her head and lets out a howl.

Delphine challenges her to a game of tag. They used to play it on the property of the Pack, after having fed. Usually, it’s Felix who starts it. Alison ends up losing most of the time. For a few months, when Delphine was new, she managed to beat the newcomer, but now Delphine has found her footing and she’s close to being able to outrun Sarah on her good days. Delphine doesn’t have the Pack’s experience, though, so the usual feints and tricks still work on her at times.

Cosima whirls around as Delphine yanks on her tail. Her paws slide over the forest floor as her Pack sister disappears into the woods. Cosima snorts and then takes off after her. This is actually fun. Last round, she decides, her paws moving with ease through the undergrowth. They have to get up early tomorrow, it’s probably time to call it a night-

A flash of pale fur shines through the trees. Cosima speeds up, panting as she closes the distance between her and Delphine. She’s just getting ready to pounce when there’s a sudden movement from their right. She turns her head in time to see the shadow erupt from the trees. A snarl lodges in Cosima’s throat as the wolf leaps, landing on Delphine, teeth flashing. The blonde wolf lets out a yelp and rolls over the floor as Cosima slides to a stop between the two wolves, hackles rising to show her fangs as she glares at the male wolf.

Her fur is bristling. Cosima lowers her head, hackles rising even further as she snarls at the intruder, the scent of an unfamiliar werewolf filling her brain, alarms bells going off.

The male wolf glares at her, a growl starting from his chest. Behind her, Cosima hears rustling as Delphine slowly gets up. She sees the pale wolf shake her head and body, brushing off dead leaves that cling to her.

A movement in front of her makes Cosima snap her head back in time to see the male wolf fly at her. She turns in an attempt to protect her throat. The impact knocks the breath out of her and they skid across the forest floor. Teeth sink into her shoulder and Cosima lets out a howl of pain before she throws the attacker off and lunges for his throat. Sharp claws dig into her side, she feels sticky wetness run down her flank as her teeth sink into soft flesh, tearing, blood gushing into her mouth.

The wolf thrashes, throws her off. Her teeth rattle as she hits the nearest tree, pain exploding behind her eyelids. She shakes herself, tries to get up as the wolf advances. Out of the corner of her eyes, she sees a pale flash of fur and then Delphine is on the wolf, snarling, biting, the sound of tearing flesh and pained howls filling the air before the scent of blood and silence take over.

The male wolf is a dark heap of fur, blood gushing from his missing throat and seeping into the ground of the forest as his eyes grow dim. Delphine’s muzzle is glistening red, blood dripping from it as Cosima limps over to her.

She doesn’t recognize the wolf, his smell doesn’t jog her memory. It’s an unfamiliar scent, without traces of anyone Cosima might recognize.

Delphine nudges her side and licks at her flank, the wound burning. Cosima lets out a yelp and steps away, her paw crumbling under her weight as she falls gracelessly to the forest floor. Her Pack sister nuzzles her neck, pushes at Cosima to get her up. Cosima lets out an impatient growl and snaps at Delphine, ignoring the confused expression in the eyes of the pale wolf. Instead, she stands, limping across the forest floor to find a thicket to Change, hoping that Delphine catches her intentions.

* * *

It’s a good thing that Delphine did an ER rotation as a med student.

The odds of encountering other werewolves are astronomical. Still, sometimes it happens. That’s not what worries Cosima, what has their Alpha worried. It’s that neither Delphine nor her noticed the presence of the guy before he ambushed them. Neither one of them picked up his scent anywhere.

Maybe it was just their brains being too tired from the smell of humans. Cosima would like to believe that, but she’s not going to. If there had been a werewolf at the conference Delphine is attending, Cosima would’ve known. She’d have smelled him. So where the hell had the guy come from?

“What does it matter?” Delphine asks, finishing with bandaging up Cosima’s wounds. She has four cuts on her back, burning whenever Cosima moves. Her shoulder’s throbbing, too, but that’s a dull pain, not the sharp sting that races up and down her spine whenever Cosima takes a deep breath.

“It doesn’t,” Mrs S cuts in before Cosima can reprimand the blonde. “You’re coming home. Take the next flight out, I don’t care about the cost.”

“I’d prefer to drive,” Cosima argues, plunging ahead when she sees their Alpha narrow her eyes in the Skype window. “After what happened tonight, I’d be more comfortable not leaving the ground, in case we have another surprise encounter.”

Mrs S frowns before she nods.

“Fine. See that you check out as soon as possible.”

“Sure,” Cosima nods, hesitating. “Listen, I was thinking-”

“No,” Mrs S shakes her head. Cosima’s eyes widen in surprise. “I considered it, too. But it’s too risky. We don’t know if he was alone or if you’re running into another Pack, and judging by the guy from earlier, this one is less than friendly.”

Cosima inclines her head, accepting final orders before she ends the call.

“What were you going to ask?”

Delphine’s voice makes her jump and Cosima hisses at the fresh stab of pain. The blonde apologizes, watching Cosima closely.

“Mrs S didn’t really just send you along to make sure I wouldn’t do anything stupid while on my own, did she?”

“No,” Cosima admits with a sigh. “There’ve been rumors of a huge pale dog roaming the area. Some teenagers got scared a couple weeks ago, they were using a shortcut coming home from a rave. The thing chased them up and down the forest until daylight…”

“You think that’s Helena,” Delphine realizes. Cosima inclines her head.

“We’re not sure. Mrs S figured, since we were in the area anyway, we might keep our eyes and ears open. We weren’t entirely sure if it even was a werewolf…”

“I think it’s safe to say we know for sure now,” Delphine remarks, sitting down on Cosima’s bed. There’s blood staining her fingers, Cosima’s blood. It’s a startling image and Cosima blinks once, twice before she shakes her head.

“I should’ve told you,” she sighs, rubbing a hand over her face. Delphine lets out a breath.

“Yes,” she mutters. “But I get why you couldn’t, so don’t worry. I’m not mad, at least not at you.”

They sit in silence before Delphine clears her throat.

“What is going to happen to her? When you find her?”

Cosima shakes her head and gets up. She grabs a plastic bag and starts cleaning up the waste left from their impromptu medical aid session.

“Cosima-”

“You know what happens to rogue werewolves. She bit you-” Cosima cuts herself off with a sharp shake of her head. She can feel Delphine’s eyes on her, staring holes into her back.

“You were going to kill someone from your Pack?”

Delphine’s voice is strangely soft. The bag slips from Cosima’s fingers and she sinks down on the bed next to Delphine.

“Helena is dangerous,” she mutters, closing her eyes briefly. “Not just to humans, but to us, too. She might end up exposing our secret, and if people find out… the Middle Ages weren’t a fun time for werewolves for a reason.”

Out of the corner of her eyes, she can see Delphine incline her head as she worries at her bottom lip.

“Are you alright?” Cosima asks her, reaching out. Delphine flinches away from her touch and gets up. The blonde crosses her arms and gives a shaky nod.

“Yes,” she mutters, her eyes not meeting Cosima’s.

“Delphine-”

“No, I’m, I’m okay. Really. I just… I think I need some sleep.”

Cosima swallows thickly before she nods. “Okay,” she allows, reaching up to run a hand through her hair. “We probably should…” she trails of, wondering how to break it to Delphine that they can’t split up.

“Yes,” Delphine nods, rubbing a hand over her face. “I’ll just get changed, I will be back in a moment.”

She watches her disappear into her room, leaving the door ajar. Cosima is tired, the night’s events catching up with her, but she can’t go to sleep. When Delphine returns, clad in her PJs, she makes her take the bed against her protests. Cosima curls up in the chair instead, her back protesting against the position. She watches Delphine curl into a ball on the bed, back turned to Cosima. It takes some time for her breathing to even out. Cosima stays awake the rest of the night, listening for the sounds in the hallway, hoping that no more werewolves come to find them.


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An invasion.

Almost a month later, Cosima is panting, her paws moving as she races through the forest, foliage flying past her. She’s making too much sound, crashing through the undergrowth, but she can hear the others and none of them are any quieter.

Felix crosses her path; she only sees him for a second as she turns and scrambles to avoid a patch of particularly close trees.

Behind her, the ginger wolf gains speed. Cosima feels their breath on her tail and turns again, narrowly avoiding sharp fangs. She turns, stopping, lips drawn back in a snarl. It’s a bad idea, but then again, she’s running out of options fast.

The wolf pauses and blinks, lowering its head. Her head. Cosima catches her scent as the wind shifts. She’s one of the two that followed her and Felix yesterday.

Cosima lets out a growl in warning. The wolf responds in kind, her hackles rising further. This time, it’s Cosima who pounces, who initiates the attack. To her surprise, the ginger wolf lets out a yelp as she lands on her, Cosima’s teeth sinking into her skin. The wolf struggles, fights to find purchase on the ground to throw Cosima off. Her legs dig into Cosima’s belly, claws drawing blood. She loses her grip for only a fraction of a second at the searing pain, but it’s enough for the smaller wolf to extract herself and kick Cosima off. Now it’s Cosima chasing after the ginger wolf and it takes her only two turns before she has her. Jumping on her back, they crash into a bush, twigs hitting Cosima in the face, but this time, she keeps holding on with her teeth, jerks the wolf around as mad fury starts burning through her.

This is her Pack. This is their territory. No one crosses it. No one crosses _them_.

Alison’s squeal of pain echoing through the woods only fuels Cosima’s rage, makes her lay into the wolf even more, until she’s only a panting, whimpering, bloody ball of fur. Cosima hesitates, but a familiar howl makes her jump up and run in its direction, trying to pick up the scent of her Alpha. It’s no use, these woods are theirs, their smell is penetrating everything.

When she comes to the clearing, Cosima stops, her paws skidding on the floor as she tries to make sense of the picture.

A dark wolf is heaving, panting and whimpering on the ground, its belly torn open, blood seeping into the earth. Cosima shakes her head, looking elsewhere. Alison’s being cleaned by Felix, that’s good. She’s standing, the fur of her neck and shoulder wet and glistening. Cosima’s not sure, the copper smell of blood is hard to untangle, the smells of the intruders heavy in the air.

At Mrs S’s feet lays a bigger wolf, it’s throat torn out. On the other side of that wolf is Sarah, head lowered in a warning growl. Behind her-

It takes Cosima a second to realize that the pale wolf is not Delphine. She only does when Delphine emerges from the woods, pale fur speckled with red, her muzzle and paws glistening. Her hackles rise at the sight of the scene in front of her. She lowers her head, slowly making her way over to Cosima as Mrs S and Sarah keep staring at each other. Her tail is tugged between her legs, her left back paw slipping whenever she takes a step.

Helena moves and Mrs S gives a warning growl, making the pale wolf freeze. Her eyes dart around and she lowers her head, nudging Sarah’s back. The growl from Sarah falters briefly before she starts backing away slowly, eyes on Mrs S. She pushes Helena along, the two slowly leaving the clearing until they suddenly turn around and start running. Cosima takes a step to follow, but Mrs S snaps at her with a shake of her head.

* * *

They lock up the strange girl in the Cage. Her injuries prevented her from making a run for it, but even in human form, she’s a feral beast, this one. Cosima isn’t really surprised. After all, this is the pack that Helena joined after she left theirs.

Sarah used to do the interrogations of the werewolves that crossed into their territory and failed to announce themselves. Now Sarah is gone, has taken off with Helena. Cosima still can’t wrap her mind around it as she watches Mrs S interrogate the girl, Delphine flinching beside her.

They killed one of their pack. Delphine and her, when they were at the conference. Helena recognized Cosima’s scent when they found the guy with his throat ripped out. Their Alpha made her tell them where they lived, and eventually, Helena broke and shared the information. They wanted revenge, that’s what they came for. Stalked out the Pack, keeping Helena in the background because they would’ve immediately recognized their former Pack member’s scent.

The Pack realized they were being followed slowly. Alison was the first, picking up the scent of another werewolf at the grocery market she goes to with her children. The same scent came up when she went to church and then at her theater group she smelled it again. By that time, Cosima had become aware of the sensation of being followed. Last night, her and Felix went out, hoping to gather intel and figure out who it was that was following them. They managed to track it to the ginger girl and a dark-haired guy that was with her.

Now their Alpha is dead, killed by Mrs S, and their second-in-command bled out on the forest floor as Helena and Sarah inched their way back into the woods.

Mrs S doesn’t say Sarah’s name. Her jaw sets whenever one of the others does. Cosima quickly stopped, and so did the others, aside from Delphine. Delphine can’t help herself, she keeps bringing up the other woman and Cosima is starting to fear that the next blow Mrs S delivers may be aimed at the blonde woman instead of their prisoner.

“That’s enough,” Delphine whispers. Her words make their Alpha freeze and Mrs S turns to glare at her.

“You want to keep her alive, don’t you? She’s had enough, she needs a break.”

Their Alpha watches them, her eyes flickering from Delphine to Cosima before she turns and leaves the cage, the door rattling behind her. Cosima takes a step aside to let the older woman bound up the stairs. She hears the door slam shut and Delphine presses her eyes closed, her shoulders shaking as she lets out a breath. Cosima grabs a bottle of water and enters the cage, ignoring how the girl flinches and tries to make herself invisible.

“Here,” she mutters, setting the bottle down and rolling it over. The ginger girl doesn’t move, eyes glued to Cosima. The bite on her shoulder has opened up again, blood soaking through the shirt they gave her.

“Gracie,” Delphine starts, holding bandages in her hands. The girl stares at her sullenly, her eyes flickering between Delphine and Cosima. Delphine is the one that can make the pain go away a little, the pain that Cosima started to bring and that now their Alpha is dishing out even more. Gracie knows that, she must remember that it was Delphine that patched her up when they first took her five days ago.

Until now, there have been no more surprise visits. Gracie keeps saying how strong her Pack is, that they will come find her. Cosima is pretty sure the girl thinks Mrs S was bluffing when she informed her that her Alpha is dead. Gracie never saw the body, nor is she going to. The Pack has already disposed of the remains, way off their property.

“Would you…” Delphine mutters and Cosima sighs. She gets up and leaves the cage, keeping the door open so she can quickly come to Delphine’s help. Delphine might be seeing a young woman in dire need of help, may think that what they’re doing to her is horrible and disgusting (Cosima’s not entirely sure she doesn’t agree with her there), but that doesn’t mean that Cosima is going to underestimate their opponent. She doesn’t trust the ginger girl as far as she can throw her. And maybe Delphine is blind, but Cosima has a pretty good idea what is going to happen to Gracie once she has revealed all she knows about her Pack.


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected turn of events.

There is no war.

Cosima was certain there would be. Carlton and his Pack came, at least the ones that are good fighters. When they arrived, Mrs S started relaxing, and so did Alison. She sent her children and husband on an impromptu vacation to her mother. Donnie dislikes the woman and Cosima knows that she only feels contempt for the human, but at least she would protect him and the children if it became necessary.

But there isn’t going to be a war, because Sarah returns after ten days, eyes bloodshot. For a moment, it seems as if Mrs S is going to send her away with a threat of death should she ever cross into Pack territory again, but then Sarah breaks down on the steps. Falls to her knees as her body is shaken by sobs, and Felix runs to her and hugs her.

Helena is dead. Sarah killed her. She broke Helena’s neck when her sister’s back was turned.

“You were right,” Sarah mumbles, downing the content of a tumblr of bourbon before she puts the glass back on the table. “She was…”

The silence lingers. Cosima can see Delphine swallow thickly before she excuses herself from the table and hurries from the room. She counts to ten in her head before she goes to check on the other woman. Delphine is outside, hands on the banister as she leans over it, retching.

“Need a drink for the taste?” she asks her when Delphine finally leans back, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. The blonde shakes her head mutely, a groan escaping her. Cosima nods and walks over, her nose rebelling at the smell of fresh vomit.

“How could she do that?” Delphine whispers, her eyes flickering to the house as she crosses her arms tightly in front of her chest.

“Who you’re talking about?” Cosima inquires, bracing herself. She isn’t certain who Delphine is talking about now. Helena, who lead a Pack of werewolves set on revenge to her former Pack, who knew what was going to happen and who didn’t even warn her own sister. Who became so unhinged that she bit others, who found a perverse satisfaction in scaring innocent teenagers half to death, who started playing with her food in a way that sends chills down Cosima’s spine as she remembers the beginnings of it, of when she started looking at Helena and growing concerned.

Or if Delphine is talking about Sarah, who was looking for her sister, for her twin for so long, only to kill her once she was alone with her. Cosima’s pretty sure they haven’t heard even a third of the truth, that there is something Sarah isn’t telling them.

“Sarah,” Delphine answers with a sharp shake of her head. “How could she-”

“What if she hadn’t?” Cosima asks, watching Delphine as she shivers. “You killed someone before. You know what it’s like, to tear out someone’s throat-”

“I did it to protect you!” Delphine snaps, her chest heaving. Cosima quickly holds up her hands in a gesture of surrender.

“I know,” she replies, keeping her voice calm. “But it still haunts you, that you did that to someone else; that the wolf won, for a brief moment, and you followed an instinct. Now imagine someone who only does that, who is guided by those instincts all the time.”

Delphine looks away then, her jaw working. They never talked about it, after it happened. About Delphine killing someone, about her tearing out the throat of a werewolf that was set on killing Cosima. She knows that the other woman has nightmares about it, sometimes. Heard her talk to Mrs S about it. But Cosima never found the courage to speak to Delphine about what went down in that forest before now.

“I don’t believe that it was an easy choice for her,” Cosima mutters, swallowing thickly. Hell, she hesitated before killing the redhead currently residing in the basement cage. To do something like this to one of her own… Cosima quickly shakes her head. “But it was one Sarah had to make. And I’m glad she’s back.”

“She killed her own sister,” Delphine whispers, her eyes clenching shut as her hands curl into fists.

“That’s something Sarah’s going to have to live with,” Cosima says with finality in her voice. She’s not judging Sarah for it but she’s well aware of there being things that no one can absolve you from, not even your Alpha. She cannot imagine having to make that call, cannot imagine laying her hands on one of her Pack. She loves them, they’re her family, and even though she would’ve done the same when ordered, Cosima is glad it was not her that ended up killing Helena.

Delphine turns and watches her intently, searching Cosima’s face.

“I-”

“Cosima.”

The voice of their Alpha interrupts Delphine effectively. Cosima blinks slowly and turns her head, raising her eyebrows in silent question.

“Can you take two of the guys and make a grocery run?”

The older woman steps onto the porch, her arms crossed tightly in front of herself. There’s a tension in her shoulders Cosima doesn’t like, one that’s been there ever since they first started realizing someone was following the Pack around.

Cosima nods, pushing herself away from the banister.

“Sure. Any special requests?” she asks and watches Mrs S’s face carefully. The older woman shakes her head, eyes on Delphine.

“No, just the usual. Enough for all of us, if you can manage. Take the credit card, I haven’t changed the pin code.”

“Maybe Delphine could-”

“You’re getting groceries. Take Michael along, he needs the change in surroundings,” Mrs S interrupts Cosima’s attempt to get Delphine to come with them. Cosima inclines her head and walks back inside, ears straining to catch whatever Mrs S is going to tell Delphine. She can’t, though, the older woman waits until Cosima is out of earshot. It takes her a few moments to find Michael, who’s abusing a punching bag, low growls emanating from him at every blow he lands. Perhaps she should let him cool off before they go anywhere, but from the way Mrs S was acting, Cosima guesses they’re expected to leave immediately. She doesn’t like to think about why the other woman might want Cosima out of the house, what she could’ve planned. That she is making Delphine stay doesn’t seem right to Cosima, either. If there’s something going down that Siobhan wants to protect her from, then it certainly is something Delphine would be better off not experiencing as well.

They take Eric along with them. He’s as impressive as Michael, but way more silent. Cosima isn’t entirely sure, but she doesn’t think she’s ever heard Eric speak more than two sentences at a time. He’s intelligent, but apparently he doesn’t like to share his thoughts with the people around him. Michael makes up for it, though, he fills the silence with mindless blabber that Cosima tunes out after a while.

Their usual grocery store is out of the question. People there would recognize Cosima, they’ve been going there for too long, and while the employees are used to the amount of food they usually buy, five more werewolves make a huge difference and Cosima doesn’t want to draw more attention to them than necessary. So they drive out of town and find a heavily frequented store in hopes of not drawing too much attention, or at least not staying on people’s minds for too long.

They grab three carts and start filling them, ignoring the incredulous looks of the other shoppers. Cosima catches Eric baring his teeth at a particularly noisy woman and she gives her a grin as she steps on his foot, pulling him along and hissing at him to behave under her breath. They can’t afford to make a scene and Cosima really wants to get this done as quickly as possible so they can get back to the house and she can check up on Delphine.

“Looks like someone’s having a BBQ,” the cashier comments as he rings them up. Michael is loading the stuff back into the carts and Cosima wordlessly holds out the Pack’s credit card as Eric stares the poor guy down. He’s probably not older than nineteen and swallows thickly as he scans Cosima’s card, printing the receipt.

“Have a nice-” he starts squeaking, but the rest of the sentence gets stuck in the poor guy’s throat as Eric continues to glower when he and Cosima grab their carts.

“We’re trying to blend in,” Cosima hisses at him through her teeth as they make for the exit.

“Speak for yourself,” Eric replies, banging the door open so that it bounces off the back wall and he has to catch it again before it hits him in the face.

The ride back to the house is filled with silence, even from Michael. When they walk back in, the rest of the Packs scramble to help them unload the car, eager to have something to do. Cosima doesn’t miss how her Alpha, Sarah and Delphine are absent from the scene. She considers checking the basement and the Cage, but then figures that, if something is going on down there, Mrs S wanted her away from it for a reason.

So she busies herself helping Alison in the kitchen to prepare dinner for hungry werewolves that can eat for three. It’s simple tasks that keep her hands and mind occupied and for once, Cosima is thankful for the distraction.

* * *

“Thanks,” Delphine murmurs as she accepts the steaming mug from Cosima. She sits up on her bed and makes room for the brunette. Cosima sinks onto the mattress, blowing on her own steaming mug.

“You wanna talk about it?” she asks, but Delphine shakes her head. Cosima inclines hers. She’s already figured that it’s one of those things Delphine’s gonna try and shove into the recesses of her mind and try to never think of again. The past few weeks have really done a number on the woman, and Cosima wishes she would talk about these things.

She remembers the first time she killed someone. It was an accident, mostly. A drunk human that had gotten a little too aggressive and Cosima had momentarily forgotten how strong she had grown. She’d snapped his neck. She’d been terrified of herself in the days after, afraid of what she might do to others, what she was capable of doing now. But the fact remains that she has never torn someone’s throat out.

Delphine has, though. She’s killed without hesitation when it came to protecting Cosima, and Cosima is grateful for that. But there’s no denying that Delphine is still haunted by that moment, still flinches away from the others when they’re Changed. It’s one thing accidentally killing someone, it’s another to rip someone’s throat out violently and to do it so someone else who’s exactly like you… well that’s certainly stuff for nightmares alright.

They buried Gracie earlier, away from the property. When Mrs S, Carlton and Delphine came back, covered in mud, Delphine made straight for her room and slammed the door shut behind her. Michael went upstairs after ten minutes and came back less than one later, proverbial tail tugged firmly between his legs. Whatever he said to her, Cosima didn’t hear it, or Delphine’s reaction to it, but judging from the guy’s working jaw, it wasn’t something nice.

“You know, I’ve always wondered what would happen if you put one of us on the moon,” Cosima jokes, taking a sip of her tea. Delphine blinks at her in confusion before her lips give a small twitch, the joke catching up.

“We’d have to find a volunteer,” she says, tilting her head. “And possibly others. I mean, it’s not a real experiment when your sample size is only one, is it?”

At that, Cosima lets out a soft chuckle and shakes her head.

“You were being kind of an asshole to Michael, you know,” she remarks, blowing on her tea as she hopes she hasn’t overstepped. The last thing she needs, the last thing the Pack needs right now is for Delphine and her to start fighting. But much to Cosima’s surprise, Delphine gives a sigh.

“It was stupid to kiss him,” she mutters, taking a sip of her tea. “Don’t act all surprised, I know you know,” she adds when Cosima attempts to give her a shocked look. The brunette shrugs.

“Sorry,” she mumbles. “But if it was stupid, why’d you do it?”

Delphine draws a slow breath before she shrugs her shoulders with another sigh. She reaches up, free hand tangling in her blonde curls.

“I’m not sure,” she admits, brows furrowing. “I wanted to; I mean, have you seen him?” she asks, blushing when she looks at Cosima, who raises her eyebrows in surprise.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” Cosima waves her off, pushing the memory of the conversation they had about Cosima’s sexuality down. “And yeah, he is hot. If you’re into the brute strength sort of thing,” she shrugs, burning her throat when she takes too big a gulp of the hot tea in her mug.

“I just… I don’t know. I guess I was… With Henry, I kept pushing him away whenever he started hinting at sex for a long time. I was afraid of what I might do to him, you know? In case I lost control, what I’d be capable off. But Michael…”

“You don’t have to worry about it with them, because they’d be able to handle it,” Cosima nods in understanding. “I’m occasionally banging one of them, so yeah, I get it,” she reminds Delphine when she sees the other woman’s surprised expression.

“Right,” Delphine nods. Cosima can see her throat working as the other woman swallows, her brows furrowing. “Can I ask you something private? Like, rudely invasive?”

Cosima motions for her to go ahead. Still Delphine hesitates and then shakes her head.

“No, I can’t,” she mutters, hiding her face behind her mug, a blush coloring her cheeks. Cosima shrugs and stands, changing her hold on her mug before she leans down to hug Delphine.

“If you change your mind, you know where I am,” she mumbles before straightening and leaving the room. She pulls the door close behind her and draws a deep breath.

When she steps into her room, Kira is already in bed. Cosima tiptoes over to the mattress on the floor and lies down, attempting to get comfortable.

“Aunt Cosima?” Kira mumbles sleepily, prompting Cosima to curse herself.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, kiddo. Go back to sleep,” she whispers, looking up to see Kira sit up in her bed, small hand reaching out to turn the light back on.

“I had a bad dream,” the girl mutters and rubs her eyes. Cosima would like to tell her there is nothing left to worry about. Kira’s room is at the end of the hall for a reason. Anyone wanting to get to her would have to manage to get past a number of adult werewolves first. Eric is going to sleep in the chair outside the door for extra protection, too, though it’s probably no longer needed. The only reason why Cosima is the one actually in the room with Kira is because Kira likes her and Cosima can pull bedtime stories out of her ass like it’s no-one’s business. Kira’s comfortable around her and goes to sleep easily.

“Want me to tell you a story?” Cosima offers. Much to her surprise, the girl shakes her head. She throws back the blanket and stands, walking over to Cosima’s mattress. Wordlessly, the woman lifts her blanket and lets Kira crawl under it, snuggling close to her.

“Aunt Cosima?” Kira mutters after a few minutes, breaking the silence between them. Cosima’s been listening to the sounds in the house, doors opening and closing as everyone goes to bed.

“Yeah monkey?” she yawns and shakes her head, widening her eyes so she doesn’t fall asleep before the girl does.

“Is Mrs S going to send mummy away again?”

Cosima swallows and clenches her eyes shut. Kira’s always been way too perceptive for her own good.

“I don’t know,” Cosima admits, running her hand through the girl’s hair. “But I don’t think she will,” she adds in what she hopes it a convinced tone. Truth be told, Cosima has no idea what’s going on in her Alpha’s head, and she wasn’t around when Mrs S and Sarah spoke alone. She hopes she’s right with her assumption, not just for Kira’s sake.

Kira sighs and rubs her eyes.

“Come on, you need some sleep,” Cosima murmurs and presses a kiss to Kira’s forehead. She’s counting Kira’s breaths until the girl falls asleep finally, her previous question having managed to keep Cosima wide awake into the early hours of the morning.


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new development.

Everything seems off-balance, somehow. Like the ground keeps shifting beneath Cosima every time she’s managed to regain her balance.

Sarah is allowed to stay. Barely. The end result is what matters, but Cosima can’t help but notice that Mrs S keeps watching the other woman closely for weeks, as if looking for a sign of new betrayal. If she’d asked, Cosima would’ve told her that the one person Sarah would betray her Pack for is gone now, so there’s no further threat. Sarah knows that Kira needs a Pack, knows that her daughter needs stability, and she’s not stupid enough to take that away from her, despite what other people might think.

Felix is incredibly pissed with his sister and keeps sticking to Cosima. Not that she’s complaining. He knows a wonderful number of clubs with clientele spanning from lower class workforce to rich kids trying to have a good time. Cosima lets him talk her into joining him more often. She needs the distraction and to unwind. Though maybe a packed club full of reeking humans isn’t exactly a werewolf’s idea of unwinding, but that’s kind of besides the point, really.

When the tensions in the house keep mounting, Delphine starts joining them on their nights on the town. At first, she seems strangely uncomfortable, but with the number of times Cosima pulls her to the dancefloor growing, so does Delphine’s level of comfort.

Until one night, where Felix abandons them in favor of meeting with a guy he hooked up with on their last night out, so Cosima and Delphine go with each other. She’s been aware of a certain tension in Delphine the past few days, has watched the other woman a few times and found her hands curled into fists, anger simmering beneath the surface as her jaw worked. Cosima decided to ignore it then, figuring that whatever it was, if Delphine wanted to talk about it, she’d find her. It turns out that maybe, ignoring it was a bad idea.

She’s on the dancefloor with a pretty cute guy, who only smells faintly of aftershave and there’s no trace of alcohol on his breath when he asks Cosima to dance, so she agrees willingly. When the music changes into the next song, Cosima becomes aware of a sound underneath the notes, one that is all too familiar and makes the hair on her neck stand on end.

Delphine’s letting out a low growl, making Cosima look over to the bar. Following her pack sisters gaze, she finds it glued to the hands of the guy Cosima’s currently dancing with, his hands firmly on her hips. She plucks them off, ignores his protest and stalks over to the bar. Delphine keeps staring at the guy, hackles up, as Cosima drags her outside, where she slams her against the wall. The impact makes Delphine shake her head slowly, eyes clearing.

“What the hell was that?” she asks her, glaring at the other woman. Delphine swallows, mouth opening, moving soundlessly. Her eyes are alive with a predatory gleam in them and Cosima has only a split second warning before she is pushed against the brick wall by the other woman, Delphine’s hands on her hips lifting her up as she kisses her.

“Mine,” she growls into Cosima’s mouth, pushing at her, fingers snatching the material of Cosima’s dress, hiking it up. Her head is spinning, human and wolf both groaning in anticipation and pleasure as she hooks a leg around Delphine’s hip and kisses her back, biting her lip.

“Mine,” Delphine repeats, hands slipping beneath the dress, running up and down Cosima’s thigh, nails digging into her skin.

“Shit,” Cosima hisses, hips arching, searching pressure, searching relief as her hand grips Delphine’s shoulder hard enough to bruise. They shouldn’t, shouldn’t be doing this, but it feels so good, she’s wanted this for so long… She feels Delphine’s mouth on her neck, teeth grazing as she kisses her way down before she sinks her teeth into Cosima’s shoulder. The pain is sharp, making her yelp and pull at Delphine’s curls hard enough to make the other woman pull back. Her eyes are on fire, gleaming in the light of the street lamp. Delphine blinks, slowly, sluggishly, the fog lifting gradually. She looks down at Cosima’s shoulder, sees the markings in the fabric of her dress and blanches.

“Merde,” she breathes, letting go of Cosima’s thigh to carefully brush her fingers over the bite. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean, I, I would never…” she stammers, closing her eyes as fear flickers over her face. Cosima watches, lets her hands fall away before settling them on Delphine’s hips, a soft squeeze drawing her attention.

“You okay?” she asks her, attempting to keep her tone as neutral as possible. This is what she warned Delphine about, this is why they all told her to be careful. No matter how hard they try, sometimes, the wolf escapes, comes out to play. And the wolf likes it rough.

“I should be the one asking you,” Delphine murmurs, wiping a tear away from her face. Cosima swallows and carefully guides her face to look at her. When Delphine refuses to open her eyes, she leans in and kisses her, gently, a mere brushing of their lips. She can feel her shiver, can feel Delphine tremble against her with barely contained excitement and arousal, feels her jerk her hips forward, rubbing against Cosima with a moan.

“We need to get away from here,” Cosima mutters, resting her forehead against Delphine’s as she tries to catch her breath.

“Not yet,” the other woman responds, voice rough, fingers digging into Cosima’s hips again. It’s different, though, Cosima feels the shift between heady lust and an attempt to regain control. “Can’t trust, just, a minute,” Delphine stammers, stiffening when the backdoor of the club opens and another drunk couple stumbles out. Cosima slips her hand under Delphine’s shirt, presses her nails into the skin over her spine.

“You’re in control,” she husks, nibbling at Delphine’s ear, eyes glued to the humans as they stumble, kissing, down the alley and take a turn. Delphine shivers again, sagging against Cosima. It takes longer than a minute, more than ten, actually, for Cosima to be certain Delphine has the worst of it under control. Enough that she won’t jump anyone who accidentally crosses their path.

They return to the house of the Pack or rather, the woods surrounding it. There is absolutely no chance in hell that Cosima is doing this under the same roof that’s housing her alpha, and she doesn’t want to risk taking Delphine to her own place. There is only so much her neighbors will tolerate and she’s pretty sure the keening sounds Delphine makes are not among them.

Her entire body feels like it is on fire; slow, exquisite torture. Different from the Change, but similar to it, too. She can feel Delphine’s heartbeat against her chest, feels it travel through her body to her toes and fingertips. It’s been a while since she had sex, but this, this is something Cosima never had before.

Her hands are trembling as she runs them over Delphine’s body, chest vibrating with a low growl. Her shoulder is throbbing from the bite earlier, a bruise forming in the shape of Delphine’s teeth. She drags her nails down Delphine’s back, watches as she arches into the touch, exposes her throat. Cosima leans in, kisses the white skin, lets her teeth graze it. The moan Delphine lets out sounds in her ears. Cosima’s wolf is howling, leaping, wants more, wants to be closer-

The touch of Delphine’s hand makes her see stars. Her hips jerk with the movement as long fingers push into her. It doesn’t take much for Cosima’s world to explode, for her back to arch off the grass of the clearing in the forest, head tilted back. The trees are upside down and Cosima feels a laugh bubble up in her throat. Her ears are ringing, vision exploding into every color imaginable as she clutches as Delphine’s back, holds her close, her mouth moving with words she doesn’t even know.

When she comes to, Delphine’s curled into her side, crying softly.

“Hey,” Cosima breathes, sitting up with worry. Delphine lets out a sob and hugs her close, showering Cosima’s shoulder with kisses, lips moving, forming words she doesn’t get out. Cosima reaches up, cradles her head and holds her, rocking carefully as she makes shushing noise in an attempt to calm her down.

“ _Ne me quitte pas_ ,” Delphine finally gets out, leaning back, eyes pleading. Cosima frowns, brain slowly kicking into gear. Don’t leave me.

“I won’t,” she whispers, wiping the tears from Delphine’s eyes. “It’s okay,” she smiles at her, flinching when she discovers the welts her nails left behind on Delphine’s body. In the morning twilight, the colors are slowly returning to the world, still muted, dull against the feeling flooding Cosima, rushing through her entire being.

“I love you,” she says, voice loud in the stillness of the morning. Delphine blinks at her, eyes shining brightly, a life in them Cosima never saw before.

“ _Je t’aime_ ,” she replies, a grin spreading over her face. For a moment, Cosima thinks her chest might explode with how big her heart feels, thinks she might float away with how light Delphine’s words leave her.

Her hand twists into blonde curls as she pulls Delphine in for a deep kiss.

“Mine.”

This time, it’s Cosima who breathes the word, finally allows herself to give voice to what she has been wanting to say for months, has wanted to etch into Delphine’s skin for everyone to see. Taken, not yours, mine, always mine, no one else’s, only mine to kiss, to touch, to hold-

Delphine arches against her when Cosima’s hand drifts low, sneaks between her legs. She’s still wet, still yearning, a soft whimper escaping her at the touch. Cosima seals her lips with a kiss as her fingers slip inside, curl slowly.

“Cosima.”

Delphine’s breath is hot against her neck as she feels her wrap her arms around her, allows her to pull Cosima closer, changing the angle in a way that makes the blonde groan.

Last night, everything was on fire, colors dancing in front of her eyes so that Cosima could barely see. Now, she watches Delphine’s flushed face, watches white teeth flash as they sink into her lip in an attempt to keep her quiet, hears the breath hitch in Delphine throat when she pushes her palm up, hears her heartbeat thunder in her chest. Delphine slowly coming undone at her hands is the most wonderful thing ever, Cosima finds, sucking on the woman’s collarbone as Delphine’s shout fills her ears and pretty much that of every other creature in these woods.

* * *

No one says anything when they both show up for lunch. Delphine and her sneak into the house via the backdoor and hurry up the stairs to take a quick shower to wash each other’s scent off their bodies. Which, granted, may have worked a bit better if they’d taken separate showers, but you know, water conservation and all that.

Taking momentary leave of her senses, Cosima offers to help clear the table. It’s Delphine’s turn to do the kitchen chores and well, she kind of wants to spend some more time with her girlfriend before Felix and her leave again. What Cosima doesn’t consider is that someone might walk into the kitchen. Someone like Mrs S. Who clears her throat rather loudly and has Cosima and Delphine jump apart in the middle of a heated kiss.

“Thank you, for answering the lingering question if that actually had been the two of you in the woods last night,” the older woman says, grabbing herself a glass and pouring a generous amount of whiskey into it. Cosima and Delphine exchange a scared look and Cosima shrugs helplessly. Yeah, okay, maybe doing this on Pack property wasn’t the brightest idea they ever had.

“I’m not going to lecture you. You’re adults; God knows I keep hoping you know what you’re doing,” their Alpha shakes her head, downing the content of her glass.

“I, we’re sorry. For the noise last night. And, springing this on you,” Cosima offers, swallowing. Maybe she should’ve talked to Siobhan first. Made sure she doesn’t have a problem with this. Most Alphas aren’t exactly thrilled when their Pack starts screwing each other, but then again, this isn’t just sex. At least not for Cosima, and last night the brunette got the distinct feeling that it wasn’t merely sex for Delphine, either. Not after her plea for Cosima not to leave her.

“I understand if you’re mad,” Delphine starts and swallows thickly. Their Alpha watches the blonde woman before she draws a deep breath and shakes her head.

“I’m not mad. I will be, though, if this comes back to bite the Pack in the ass,” she adds, giving both women a stare.

“It won’t,” Delphine quickly assures her while Cosima frowns and tries to keep track of the conversation. Mrs S nods and grabs the bottle, leaving the kitchen and the two of them alone.

“That went…” Cosima trails off, furrowing her brows. It did go surprisingly smoothly. Maybe. She’s not entirely sure they’re out of the woods just yet. When she looks at Delphine, she finds the blonde watching her, gaze locked on Cosima’s lips as Delphine is chewing on hers. Cosima rolls her eyes with a shake of her head and goes in for a quick kiss.

“I’ve got to drive Felix back,” Cosima murmurs against her lips, feeling Delphine sigh. “You could tag along. We could go to my place, watch some TV…”

Much to her surprise, Delphine shakes her head.

“I have a class to TA in the morning. I don’t think either one of us would get much sleep if I went with you,” she sighs against her lips, kissing her again.

Cosima simply shrugs at that. Delphine’s right, they probably wouldn’t sleep a wink, and maybe after last night they shouldn’t subject Cosima’s human neighbors to the level of noise they produced.

“Suit yourself,” she mutters, finally forcing herself to extract herself from Delphine’s arms and starting to load up the dishwasher.


	13. Epilogue

It’s not always easy. She loves Delphine, there is no doubt in Cosima’s heart about it. And she knows Delphine loves her. But they both have a temper that makes them blow up at each other, and they both possess a sense of pride that means they sulk around for days before they manage to realize they’re the one who’s got to apologize.

The rest of the Pack isn’t exactly thrilled. Kira’s probably the most supportive in the beginning, which does hurt. Sarah doesn’t say anything at all about it. Felix has a few comments, and Alison… well, if Cosima had a dollar for every time the other woman blatantly stares at her, she’d probably be able to fund part of her Lab’s research.

Still, she loves Delphine, and after a few months, the rest of the Pack comes around. Maybe it’s because they’re growing older, maybe it’s because they have seen the two of them together, see how happy they are with each other, or maybe it’s because the Pack keeps growing.

Jennifer shows up on the front step of the Pack house one day, backpack at her feet. Says she ran into some trouble with a fellow werewolf and maybe if she could crash for a while? “A while” turns out to be a month and then two and then suddenly, she’s staying indefinitely. She’s never had a pack before, she tells them, but Kira likes her, and so does Delphine, and the rest gets used to her easily. She’s more bark than bite, or rather, play than bite. Doesn’t kill on their runs, doesn’t eat, but there’s none of Alison’s rigid tension in her. She’s playful, easy-going and gets along great with Felix and Kira. She’s a swim coach and easily finds a job, thanks to how much children like her.

Jennifer’s new job is how they end up with Charlotte. Jennifer was pretty shocked when she detected the scent of a werewolf at the pool one day and immediately tells the Pack. Alison joins her for a few classes, posing as a concerned mom, and they trace the scent to one of the girls. Charlotte’s younger than Kira, but there is no mistaking the smell about her. There is no trace of it on her parents, though, which is cause for concern. It doesn’t take long for Jennifer to bond with the girl and to make her talk. The people Charlotte is living with are foster parents, and she’s not the only child they’re taking care of, either. It doesn’t take much convincing for them to give Charlotte up, especially because said convincing is done by Mrs S and Carlton and a nice sum of money. The girl has been in and out of foster homes so often, she doesn’t seem surprised at first, only when they tell her that this is going to be her last home. Breaking the news to her takes a while, careful bits and pieces of information strewn in every once in a while, waiting for the girl to adjust to them. It’s slow going, but since they suspect there may be some stuff hidden in her past that Charlotte is unwilling to talk about, they take things easy to avoid traumatizing the girl further. They still got a few years before her first Change is due, no problem in taking small steps.

Now the temperatures have been rising finally, the last remains of winter gradually turning into spring. Cosima has been eagerly waiting for it and inhales the crisp air greedily before she steps into the house.

Cosima closes the door behind her and shivers in her jacket before she pulls off her beanie. Delphine’s car is parked outside, the hood cold. Not that Cosima touched it. Yeah, okay, maybe she did. Because she wanted to figure out how much trouble exactly she’s going to be in, after having forgotten the time at the Lab again and arriving home over an hour later than she had been supposed to.

She finds her wife in what’s supposed to become the nursery, staring at paint samples on the wall.

“I really hope you took off your shoes,” Delphine tells her, back turned to Cosima. The brunette cringes before bending down and taking off her boots before she walks over and wraps her arms around Delphine’s waist from behind.

“Sorry I’m late,” she apologizes. She leans up on tiptoes and presses a soft kiss to Delphine’s neck, right behind her ear and it makes the blonde give a soft sigh and relax back into Cosima.

“You’re forgiven,” she mumbles, turning her head to capture Cosima’s lips. “If you tell me which one looks best, that is,” she adds, extracting herself from Cosima’s arms. Cosima opens the zipper of her coat and shrugs out of it while taking in the mess of colors on the wall.

Mrs S offered them to build another house on the Pack property when Delphine and Cosima moved together after a few months. They declined, naturally, the thought of adding a house for them to land that belongs to the entire Pack seeming unjust, in a way.

And then they got married and started thinking about children and started doing research and Mrs S repeatedly reminded them that the property’s big enough to be able to accommodate another house or two, and then Sarah pulled Cosima aside and told her to fucking take the offer and if she wasn’t going to, Sarah was going to make her regret it. Which is how they now have a small house on the Pack property, ten minutes walking distance from the main house, the one Felix and Sarah grew up in, the one where Sarah, Kira, Charlotte and Mrs S live in now, which Jennifer occasionally crashes at when she doesn’t feel like sleeping at her own place.

“I don’t like red,” Cosima frowns, pulling off the post-it with the color code next to the red sample.

“Felix talked me into it,” Delphine gives a shrug, reaching up to bunch her curls together. Her shirt rides up a little, exposing her stomach. Cosima keeps her eyes from looking at it for more than a second, knowing how Delphine gets when she feels scrutinized. She doesn’t need to feel like Cosima’s staring at her, trying to figure out if she’s gaining enough weight without asking about it outright.

“I’m talking you out of it,” Cosima says, tilting her head at a particular shade of green. It reminds her of the grass surrounding the lake in summer. “Remind me why were trying to decide this already?”

“Because I want everything to be ready.”

This time, Cosima does look at her, for more than just a second. Takes in the tension in Delphine’s shoulders, the slightly furrowed brows. She’s been like this for the past two days again. Cosima’s been counting in her head, knows when Delphine last joined everyone for a run. Knows that her wife is pushing back her Change as far as her body allows her to and the side-effects are rearing their ugly head again.

“We got plenty of time-”

“I just want it done, okay?!” Delphine snaps and Cosima quickly raises her hands in a gesture of surrender and draws a deep breath.

“Okay, yeah, fine,” she mutters, waiting for her wife to exhale and apologize. Instead, Delphine shakes her head and pushes past her, leaving Cosima standing in the empty room, various patches of paint covering the walls. The brunette throws her head back and stares at the ceiling, counting to fifty in her head before she goes to get changed out of her work clothes.

She finds Delphine in her office after, curled up in an armchair and hugging a pillow.

“Wanna talk?” Cosima asks as she steps into the room and pulls over her wife’s office chair to sit down. Delphine shakes her head slowly. Cosima can smell the fear on her again, like last night when Delphine woke up screaming from another nightmare. She doesn’t tell her what they’re about, but Cosima has a pretty good idea, after having talked to Sarah. If she had known beforehand, she’d have insisted on being the one to go through with the pregnancy.

“Ice cream?” she offers. Delphine’s lips move briefly before she shakes her head again.

“Hug?” Cosima tries, this time finding a soft smile on her wife’s lips as Delphine nods, dropping the pillow and holding out her arms.

“I love you, you know that, right?” she murmurs against Cosima’s ear and Cosima nods, pressing a gentle kiss against Delphine’s neck.

“Enough to postpone further decisions regarding interior design until tomorrow?” Cosima tries. She feels Delphine stiffen against her before her wife’s hold tightens, bordering on painful.

“Okay.”

Delphine’s voice is small when she agrees and lets go of Cosima, standing from the chair.

“You joining us tonight?” Cosima asks her, watching her face intently as Delphine swallows and hesitates before she nods.

“Yeah. I’m gonna make sandwiches, you want anything?” Delphine asks and Cosima shakes her head, watching the blonde leave.

It wasn’t an easy decision, having a child. They went over every possibility a hundred times, it seems now, spent over two years mulling the idea over. They could’ve done what Mrs S did and adopt, but things have changed, and without a contact in the foster system, finding abandoned werewolf offspring definitely hasn’t gotten any easier. That they found Charlotte was just dumb luck, the chances of it happening again are slim to none. Which ultimately led them to decide on a sperm donor. But a human father would have meant that there was the possibility of them ending up with a human child, a human son. Then what? There would’ve been no way for them to hide their nature from their own kid, and giving it up for adoption…

Surprisingly enough, Eric had offered to be their sperm donor. Neither Cosima nor Delphine are particularly close to him, so it came as kind of a shock. The guy had just shrugged and told them that he wasn’t interested in having kids himself, and certainly not in raising them. His general description, at least his eye and hair color matches Cosima’s, and he’s fairly intelligent. He hadn’t been pushy about it, just told them it was an option and then never mentioned it again, until Delphine and Cosima had talked it through with each other and Mrs S and Carlton and then agreed to accept Eric’s offer. They haven’t really been in contact since, he emailed Cosima once to ask if the insemination worked or if he’d have to stop by for another sample, and that was all. He never asked about Delphine or how she’s doing or wanted to know anything about the pregnancy, and Mrs S told them she hadn’t shared any details with Carlton, so Eric couldn’t have gotten information from his Alpha, either. So he either really has no interest in the child or is really good at hiding it.

Sometimes, Cosima wishes she could talk to him, though. Wishes she had someone to talk about stuff with, aside from Sarah. Sarah is Sarah, she hadn’t wanted to get pregnant with Kira, so things are a bit different there. The nightmares plaguing Delphine are the same ones Sarah had, about losing the child because of a Change, but the amount of pain it inflicts on the two women seems vastly different. Sarah talks about them with a shrug and Delphine wakes up screaming in horror and can’t stop crying afterwards, she pushes off her Changes and grows irritated and more afraid by the second when she feels one approach. Cosima wishes she’d believe her that everything’s going to turn out fine. Nothing happened to Kira; nothing is going to happen to their unborn child. It’s reasonable to assume that, since their child is surely going to be a werewolf, they’re going to be able to handle Delphine’s Changes just fine, but Delphine these days isn’t much for logic and reason when it comes to this topic at all.

Maybe she should invite Charlotte over for dinner. Delphine loves the girl and out of everyone from the Pack, Charlotte seems most comfortable with her. They both have a quiet energy about them; when they hang out together they rarely feel the need to talk. When things at the house become too much, Charlotte usually finds her way over to them and most of the time, she ends up in bed with Delphine, the older woman reaching scientific studies as Charlotte curls up next to her with a book of her own. Maybe that’s what Delphine needs, someone aside from Cosima, someone that’s just simply there and with whom she doesn’t feel the need to talk or justify herself and her emotions.

* * *

Months later, she’s tracing patterns on the curve of Delphine’s belly, humming to herself. Delphine lets out a sigh and swats at Cosima’s hand, goosebumps rising on her skin.

“Tickles,” she mutters sleepily and turns onto her left side to face Cosima in their bed.

“Tough luck,” Cosima replies, leaning down to press a kiss against the naked skin. There’s another sigh coming from Delphine.

“I’m tired.”

“Then go to sleep,” Cosima shrugs, resting her hand back against her wife’s belly. She’s had a dream last night, the same dream as the night before and the one before that.

“You keep touching me,” Delphine mumbles with an exasperated sigh, her eyes opening to glare at Cosima.

“Sorry?” she offers weakly, lying down but not removing her hand. She starts tracing patterns again, beginning to draw molecular representations after a few moments. Delphine probably hates her for keeping her awake, but Cosima can’t stop herself. It’s only been a few days since Delphine felt the baby move for the first time, way after she should have been able to feel movements. She was terrified before, that something was wrong, and that they can’t really go to a doctor and just have an ultrasound to check on the baby didn’t help matters. But now the blonde has started to relax, every movement she feels their child making putting her at ease. A reminder that they’re there, they’re okay.

In Cosima’s dreams, Delphine and her are chasing through the woods, a wolf cub running alongside them. Cosima knows the baby is a girl, can feel it in her being, just like her love for Delphine. Delphine insists on not naming it before the baby is born, refuses to allow Cosima to use any name even just to try it out. In the beginning of the pregnancy, Cosima could smell the fear on her, could smell it penetrate her entire being. It’s let up, now that she can feel their daughter move. Sometimes it flares, like when Delphine is Changing, or when she has a nightmare and wakes up gasping Cosima’s name.

“Helium,” Delphine whispers, cracking an eye open to see Cosima give a sheepish grin before she draws a new pattern and Delphine keeps guessing them. Just as she’s about to finish one for sugar, Delphine grabs her hand and presses it to the side of her stomach.

“Hey-” Cosima offers in protest as she feels Delphine relax, her eyes glued to Cosima’s face and her lips curling into a smile. “Sh- It’s moving?”

“Hm,” Delphine hums, adjusting her position and that of Cosima’s hand. The skin under it is warm and soft and-

“Holy shit,” Cosima breathes, her eyes widening as she feels a flutter against her fingertips. Tears spring to her eyes and she starts laughing with joy as she feels their daughter move beneath her hand.

“You’re crying,” Delphine mutters. She wipes Cosima’s tears away with the pad of her thumb.

“Duh,” Cosima sniffles and bends over to kiss her. “I love you, I love you so freaking much.”

“Well, I certainly hope you do, because now I won’t be able to go to sleep until it’s settled again,” Delphine replies, but the joy in her eyes and the smile curving her lips tells Cosima she isn’t half as mad as she would like to pretend to be.

The baby moves again, a flutter against Cosima’s fingertips. _I’m here_ , she’s saying.

For some people, getting Bitten is a curse.

For Cosima, it was a blessing. She’s found a pack and a mate and love so deep it penetrates her soul. It makes the human in her dance and the wolf howl at the moon.


End file.
